Archive for the ‘Behavior’ Category

>  With the 2008 Presidential election in pre-mature full swing, there is considerable talk unfolding about the need for universal health care coverage.  While I do not underestimate the need for emergency treatment in necessary situations, I am at a loss as to why we would be so intent on spending millions of dollars to make sure everyone can access a system that is in many ways, primitive.
   In fact, I think the question being asked is the wrong question. It’s not “How do we provide health care coverage for all?” but rather “How do we more fully explore and integrate the many alternative approaches to health and wellness that exist today?”
   The current system that our politicians are so eager to expand basically serves us in three ways: 1) it treats emergencies, 2) it intervenes after illness occurs and 3) it over medicates due to it’s economic and political relationship with pharmaceutical companies.
   Whether it’s energy medicine (“epigenetics” as explored in the recently released “The Genie in Your Genes by Dawson Church Ph.D.) meditation, relaxation techniques, homeopathy, yoga, prayer, or the myriad of other alternative choices…it makes a lot more sense to be pro-active and support health and wellness than to arrive late on the scene and try and minimize the effects of illness and dis-ease (my favorite way of spelling it since I believe that all disease originates from some form of stress to our systems…physical or eco).
   The media spends a fraction of it’s time and energy reporting on the successes of alternative therapies, yet we are inundated with the endless debate and various politically motivated positions of candidates on how to make the current, ineffective system available for everyone. 
   About 2 years ago I injured my knee in a fall. I got an MRI, saw an orthopedic surgeon and wore a soft brace for awhile. Then, this past winter, I slipped on the ice and re-injured it. It was hurting on and off so I got an x-ray and went to see an orthopedic surgeon again. He said he couldn’t see much on the x-ray, gave me a prescription for an MRI, and a large, supportive soft brace to wear until I saw him again. 
   I began to wear the brace and noticed that the knee was hurting more with it on. I also noticed that since I had seen him the knee seemed to be giving me more frequent difficulties.  
   Since I had just read a book on EFT(Emotional Freedom Technique), an alternative and emerging method of energy healing based upon sending piezoelectric signals through the connective tissue, I began to follow the method and “tap out” the source of the problem with my knee 3 times a day.
   My appointment with the orthopedic surgeon was yesterday and I canceled it. I had not gotten the MRI because my knee is fine. Since applying EFT, I have no trouble climbing steps, no pain in the knee, and no limitation.
   Now, I’m not delusional. I would not advocate that you can tap out a broken leg or cancer. But isn’t it time we became as advanced in our thinking about this topic as we are in the application of our technology.  Isn’t it incumbent upon us to open our minds to ways that differ from what we were taught and what society puts it’s stamp of approval on when the success rate of that stamped reality is woefully low and the side-effects and complications woefully high?  
   And who is to say what alternative approaches to that broken leg and cancer are out there waiting to be applied?
   Here’s what I know. The path to healing my knee was 1)free (unless you count the cost of the book); 2)self-reliant and self-administered, 3)put no drugs into my body with adverse side-effects, 4)required no surgery and, 5)didn’t need a referral from my general practitioner.
   I’d write more about all of this but my knee feels so good I’m going out for a walk.

>I gave my husband a GPS (Global Positioning System) for his car on Father’s Day. Yesterday, he told me that some auto dealers are now giving them away with the purchase of a new car. I have to admit, it is impressive. We drove our daughter to camp this past weekend and the GPS really gives you precise directions, and instantaneous recalculation, should you miss a turn. The one I got him also speaks the directions out loud in a clear, friendly voice.
   Did you know that each one of us is born with an internally hard-wired GPS? It’s called a “God Positioning System.”  
   The GPS for cars (and how it works) is just a mirror image of our own internal GPS. In cars, the basic data has to first be gathered, then input into software that upon your inquiry pulls up the relevant mapping.  If you’ve purchased the higher end model, the system then speaks to you…guiding you in the most direct way to get where it is you have indicated you want to go.  Should you get off track, the system knows it instantly, recalculates the new route based upon your new location, then advises you accordingly. Sometimes there’s a brief delay when it’s recalculating (I tended to become impatient when that happened).   
   The auto GPS, while advanced technology, is rather limited in comparison to the internal GPS.  Basically, the God Positioning System works the same way but with more extras. 
   Your internal system works this way. At birth (or before, depending upon what you believe) data is gathered (the possible places you may go and experiences you may have during your life) then the data is entered into the “software” (your consciousness).  During your lifetime, whenever you want to know how to get to where you want to be (career, values, relationships, health etc.) you simply turn on the GPS (access your consciousness), enter your desired destination, then receive the most direct and beneficial route to getting there. In fact, the internal system even has a friendly and loving voice that speaks to you as well. That voice comes through your own direct channel on the G-d frequency. No need for costly, maintenance-dependent satellites! 
   All you have to do is turn on your system, input the question, await the direction, and listen. As with the auto GPS, there may be a delay in re-calculation within your internal system. When that occurs, it simply requires patience on your part. You can be assured that once you clearly input your desired destination, the route will eventually be provided.  
   Listening is key to either GPS.  No matter how much you spend for the one in your car, or how much you say you are trying to access the one with which you are wired, unless you are willing to get quiet enough to hear the guidance, it’s not possible to benefit from the advanced “technology.”
   The truly amazing thing about your internal GPS is that the data input is being updated and revised instantaneously each second of your life. No waiting for some techie somewhere to acquire street name changes or add new lodging destinations to the existing mapping. Since God is the source of all of the information within your internal system, the latest and best data for your highest good is available at any moment, regardless of external changes to your environment or internal changes to your physical body. 
     I did a lot of research before I purchased the system I gave my husband. There are so many manufacturers, so many models, and such a large price range to choose from.  I probably spent about 10 hours all together.
   You can have the God Positioning System today. There’s only one manufacturer and all the models are free of charge. No shipping or handling costs added in, either.   
    Just turn on the system, ask and listen. 
    Oh, and during times of re-calculation, try and remember that patience makes all the difference.

>    I was reading an article about the effects of violent video games on children.  It theorized that while the games in and of themselves will not cause a child to act like the boys at Columbine or the Virginia Tech shooter, the games plus the presence of other risk factors will have an impact that will likely move a person towards heightened violence.    
   Admittedly, we live in a violent world. But so did Cain and Abel. 
   The negative effects of wanting what you do not have or being unable to wait to get what you want have been around for as long as we humans have.  And while it has many faces, and we propose as many possible origins, I think it all comes down to two simple principles: accepting your life as it is and allowing others to be who they choose to be. 
   Whether it’s the burglar breaking into a home to steal valuables, or the ex-husband who decides if he can’t have his wife he’ll kill her, or the mother who can’t take all the responsibility of caring for the children she birthed so she abandons them, or the teenager who wants his name in the paper so he massacres several students, or the person who steals simply because they want something and can’t afford to buy it, or the Muslim extremists who decide that everyone should live by Sharia law..it all comes down to acts born of the refusal to accept one’s life as it is and refusing to allow others to live their lives as they choose.
   We spend a lot of political capital on the federal, state and local level arguing and lobbying for better schools, “no child left behind” issues that relate to making sure all children have the fundamentals of education as we’ve defined them thus far.
   But what if our definition is in need of revision?  I’m not saying that reading and writing and ‘rithmatic…or quantum physics… aren’t valuable and necessary.  But maybe it’s time we re-evaluated what really matters in education. 
   Maybe it’s time we taught the children Acceptance and Allowing.    
   Acceptance 101 would teach the kids that your portion in life is your portion in life. Accept it with gratitude, whatever it looks like at the moment. If you want to change it, put your thoughts and energy into those things that will make a positive difference. 
   Allowing 101 would teach them to see everyone else as a mirror image of yourself and understand that others are also working on accepting their lives as they are so do not judge them for their progress or envy them their accomplishments and acquisitions.
   Our daughter is heading for high school in the Fall and we sat with her as she selected her courses. While I am pleased with her choices (she’s bright and creative as well so it’s a nice blend of academics and the arts) I would still loved to have been able to say, “Honey, why don’t you take “Acceptance 101” and “Allowing 101.”
   I’ll bet in hindsight, Adam and Eve would have loved to have been able to recommended those courses to their children, too. If they could have, just maybe I wouldn’t have had to write a column about violence.
   

>   Last night I was looking at the news stories to get an idea on what to write about today. I was reading about the crowd in Austin, Texas that dragged a passenger from his car and beat him to death because the car had hit a child causing minor injuries. Then, of course, there was the daily violence in Iraq, and now Gaza. So, I thought I’d write about, if not the origins of violence, then what we can do about it.
   Then I got depressed and didn’t feel like writing at all. Now, it’s morning, and I awoke still depressed and still not much moved to write. 
   So, it seems, the topic is depression.
   We all have those days when we feel that the world is glorious, sunny, and anything is possible. And we all have those days when everything seems to close in, the sun can’t be found anywhere, and getting out of bed seems mildly possible. Yippee for the former. 
   As for the latter…Why?
   As I look back over the past few days, I can see that I was very caught up in the “do-ing” of my life as opposed to the “be-ing” in my life. For me, getting detached and too far from the “be-ing” part, the part where I am fully living in the moment and immersed in the wonder of it all, seems to cause me to drift farther and farther away from my own center. Since it’s from that center that I bring forth the great experiences of my life, drifting too far is dangerous and emotionally deadening. 
   When I am centered, it’s as if I can feel the pace of life, sense it’s purpose, and find joy in the smallest act. It’s also the place from which I am my most creative. Since it’s creativity that enlivens me, drifting far from center also means falling deeper and deeper into a place where there is little possibility of creating anything.  It’s a place of no movement, no change.
   We humans are not static beings and we do not reside on a static planet. Earth is in a constant state of change and becoming. So are our physical bodies. It’s of the utmost importance that our consciousness also be in that state of becoming, of change. For consciousness, that state occurs when we create and co-create. That’s when it’s possible to sense, if not know, that each of us has unique abilities and talents that we were born to utilize and contribute to the ongoing unfoldment of the whole for the highest good of all concerned.
   So, today, no matter how many “things” are on your to-do list, take a break.  Take an hour or take the day and just “be.”  
   Settle into that place within yourself where you are not what you do but are simply who you really are.  Allow your muse, your inner guide to creativity, to speak to you. That conversation can be recognized by how you feel.  Trust what you feel and allow those feelings to guide you to create something only you were born to create. And if all that you achieve is an hour or a day of “be-ing” instead of “do-ing”…I can assure you that you’ll find “be-ing” is it’s own reward.
   Maybe I did write about violence after all.  A world filled with people who are so disconnected from all things natural, who function and work at a lightening pace in order to keep up with the pace of the technology, who barely have time to accomplish what they need to do each day, let alone have time to share friendships and intimacy…now there’s a recipe for disaster. 
   Stop doing. Pause. Start up again. Be.  
   Now there’s a recipe for joy.

   P.S. I’m not depressed anymore.

>  It’s my intention to write to my blog each week on a regular basis Monday through Friday, but yesterday I didn’t. Yesterday, our 14 year old daughter graduated from Middle School.  Despite my efforts to rise before dawn and get my blog written, it just didn’t happen. I had so much to do that I made the decision to get on with all that needed to be done for her and skip the entry.
   As a result of how yesterday played out, today I’m thinking about how we get done all the things that we need to do in this fast paced world in which we live. 
   The answer I call “priority plus.”
   Somewhere along the line it’s necessary to decide what is of importance to you because it’s likely that, more times than not, you simply can’t get to everything that needs your attention. So where to start?
   I think you start with the people who need your attention. Like I did, yesterday. 
   Sure, I get a kick out of writing my blog each day. The creativity is a vital part of who I am. I know there are people who click on it each morning and look for that bit of inspiration I try and provide.  But when it comes down to what I like to do, or even what I need to do relative to my career, it pales in comparison to what our daughter needed from me on her special day. 
   So the people in our lives have to be the first rung on that ladder of priority. The “things”…the “to do’s”…the tasks…have to come second.
   But there’s more. It’s not enough to decide who or what needs to be done and give it your time and energy. You also have to give it your attention.  By this, I mean that once the decision is made as to what is important to you, you have to put the full weight of your consciousness to bear on it.  Going through the motions, without your heart and mind being fully engaged, becomes a giant waste of your time and energy. You have to feel passionate, be passionate, about where you devote who it is that you really are. 
      A passionate commitment to whatever it is that you do is the engine that drives the bus.  Without a commitment of both thought(intention) and action, your doing remains nothing more than tending to tasks and obligations. But…add spirit, intention, consciousness, passion, emotion (whatever you call it) and suddenly you are fully enlivened and engaged with others in co-creating a powerful and meaningful experience.
      Who You Really Are is reflected in the choices you make. The choices you make show others how important people and things are to you. Making choices that honor yourself and others by bringing to those choices heart, mind and soul is an invigorating way to live.
      We had a great family day together yesterday. Everything we did was full of joy.
      And today?
      I really love writing this entry. 
      
 

   It is often said that rape is not about sex, it’s about power. So is lying. Ex-District Attorney Mike Nyfong is a perfect example. No matter how many different words and phrases are used to describe what Nyfong did (misrepresentation, violation on the Canon of Ethics, manipulation of the facts, withholding of the facts, deceit) the simple truth is that he lied, repeatedly, to get what he wanted. 
   People lie to get the outcome they want.
   But why? And why do I say that lying is about power?
   When someone lies, they are consciously attempting to orchestrate or manipulate either another person or effect a specific outcome. Sometimes it’s both. In either case, the lie is used to feel powerful. It gives the person lying a false sense of power over others and outcomes.
   I say false sense of power because true power exists only in trusting that people co-create the highest good for all concerned
when they allow one another, and their interactions, to unfold spontaneously. Co-creation, like Creation, originates and proceeds in a natural flow. 
   When someone lies they lack faith in that flow. 
   Not trusting in real power, they attempt to create power with a small “p”.  For we humans, real power is found in the act of co-creation. Co-creation is done in and through our relationships and interactions with one another.  
   The person who needs to lie in order to feel powerful misses out on the one sure way to get it: by allowing the mystery of self and others to unfold, and, by trusting that the outcome will be for the highest good of all concerned.
   When it comes right down to it, a liar lacks faith and trust in self and others, but more importantly doesn’t understand what true power is all about.
   I always thought lying was exhausting. It’s hard work to remember all those made up, twisted facts. Besides, it’s inevitable that the lie is unmasked. And so the liar.
   Mike Nyfong sought power with a small “p” and it has cost him much. He hurt others and ultimately hurt himself. Having been disbarred, and as a result lost his means of earning a livelihood, he will have much time on his hands. 
   Perhaps he will use it to contemplate power with a capital “P”.

>    Co-operation is a lot like co-creation.  It takes the combined efforts of two people to blend and successfully manifest a harmonious outcome.  I am reminded of the Buddhist parable where the monk retires to a cave and meditates for 20 years to gain supreme Enlightenment.  Finally, achieving his goal and complete inner peace, he descends from the mountain.  Arriving at the local market place teeming with people, he proceeds to get into an argument with the first person he meets.       
    Inner peace and Enlightenment, it seems, are much easier in a vacuum.
    It’s the rest of the people on the planet who make it all so difficult. Or are all those other people here precisely to challenge our beliefs and require us to live them as well? 
    I suspect that if we were not meant to learn co-operation and co-creation…each of us would have had our own planet.  The mere presence of everyone else must mean something. I suspect that what it means depends upon what we do with it.  If we see everyone else as separate from us and, basically, an intrusion upon our plans and our reality, then the meaning we give to their existence is one of annoyance and distraction.
    If, however, we see them as part of an overall Creation in which we jointly co-operate and co-create new outcomes, then the meaning we give to their existence is one of gratitude and support.
     I am many things, none of which is delusional.  It’s one thing to know all of this in theory. It’s even one thing to believe it deeply.  It’s quite another to put that belief into action, especially where and when our interests and goals differ.
    Perhaps the best way to approach those differing interests and goals is to remember that each of us has patterns of thought and behavior that, like muscle, solidify and become stronger with use and over time. Its takes both effort and time to modify or adapt these patterns
     Simply put, it’s called patience.  We must have patience with ourselves and others as we try and change patterns to better serve ourselves and others.
    I had been listening to some very profound, spiritual tapes this past week and reading a great book on healing through thought. As a result of both, I was feeling very peaceful and grateful for all the spiritual guidance.
    This morning my 14 year old daughter behaved in a way she would like to change, but has not yet been able to master. I responded in a way that I would like to change, but have not yet been able to master. My husband reacted to both of us in a way he is working on changing but has not yet been able to master.
    I felt like the monk in the marketplace and wanted to go back into the cave.
    Instead, I’ll just be patient.

> At any point in our lives, most of us are trying to modify or change something about how we behave or how we live.  It can be anything from weight loss to a career move.  While there are self-help books and support groups aplenty to help us through the difficulties associated with change, I’ve found a simpler and more self-reliant approach.
   Patterns are the key to how you behave and how you live your life. The ability to adapt or change requires that you first identify the pattern.  Once you know your pattern, then you can decide what steps you can take to interrupt or modify it, leading eventually to a new and hopefully more productive one. 
   Theory is great intellectual stuff and talk is easy. So I’m going to give you a personal example. 
   My whole life I’ve battled a tendency to get angry quickly.  I get angry when things go “wrong”… which usually means when they don’t go the way I want them to.  I have finally realized that the first step in heading off my angry response is to realize that 1) the other person’s response is not personally directed to frustrate me or my intended goal and 2) my perception of what is a “good” or “right” outcome is so limited as to be incalculable. 
    There are many possible outcomes to any situation, each holding the potential for it’s own unique growth experience.  I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve looked back at a situation and been amazed at the outcome…never having remotely seen the possibility for what actually occurred.  It’s through hindsight that we come to gain the perspective, and experience the wisdom, of events and outcomes that were hidden from us as they unfolded.

   So, I’ve developed a 3-step, self-directed approach to interrupting an angry response.

        Step 1.   Try and engage your mind at the first sign of anger..even though your emotions would rather engage without it.   Admittedly, this takes a little practice.  Re-acting is often like putting yourself on “auto pilot.”  This means you’re limited to the choices you originally programmed into the “auto pilot program.”  Most of us developed an anger response early in our lives to cover some type of pain, physical or emotional.  It’s likely that way back then you were either unable or unprepared to protect yourself from the source of your discomfort.  So forever after, when re-experiencing “incoming pain” you try and head it off with an aggressive, or angry, offensive action. 
       Recognizing this unproductive pattern, it’s possible to be aware of when your frustration or fear level is rising and intervene or intercept a purely emotional, and likely explosive, response.  What you can now do in these moments is re-focus outside of yourself.  Instead of defending against mis-perceived incoming hurt, become pro-active and redirect your thoughts toward the object or cause of your frustration.  Ask yourself, “What can I do for the other, or the situation, that will alleviate the difficulty?”  By becoming outwardly focused, rather than inwardly defensive, you engage your mind and thereby interrupt and harness the power of your emotions.

       Step 2.   Trust that a power, or pattern, greater than you has a
handle on what is happening and that the presence of that power’s
involvement, or inherent wisdom of that pattern, will produce an outcome
that is for the highest good of all concerned.  While you hold this
belief, you are free to release trying to control the outcome. It’s in
our failed attempts to control outcomes that we become angry.  With
trust, you can release the outcome altogether.

       Step 3.  This step is an art and also takes practice.  It’s the art of awareness.  Once you’re able to trust in the outcome and let go of your need to act defensively, you can really be open to, and aware of, what’s going on.  You can hear with clarity both what’s being said and what remains unsaid. You become aware of words and actions that, when combined, present a more accurate picture of what is occurring or what someone else is trying to communicate.  And while you’re being aware of the other, remember to also be aware of yourself as well.   Be aware of what you are hearing or seeing that may be triggering re-active or defensive issues within you.   Awareness buys you the time to be pro-active that being on auto pilot denies you.  

    So now, with my 3-step program, I never get angry anymore.  Right?  That’s what people say who write self-help books, isn’t it? They put forth their “new” program and tell you it’s the cure to what ails you when in fact, the cure to what ails you is you.  It’s being able to be honest with yourself, taking a good look at what’s been going on...the pattern…and making a commitment to re-organizing through changed behavior and co-create a new pattern that serves your intention better.
    I’m still just practicing my 3 Step program.  But practice makes perfect…or at least better.  I practiced law for 13 years and while I never got perfect, I did get better.
    I think I’ll give myself at least that much time to change a life-long pattern without getting angry at myself for not being able to rush the outcome.
    Wow! It’s working already.

‘