Archive for the ‘Behavior’ Category

>  Physician and writer, Oliver Wendell Holmes said, “The best of a book is not the thought which it contains, but the thought which it suggests; just as the charm of music dwells not in the tones but in the echoes of our hearts.”   As good as any lead into a discussion of the seven “Harry Potter” books written by J.K.Rowling.
   Filled with the the classic struggles between good and evil found throughout literature, the series clearly took the world by storm. Since 1995, “Harry Potter” has been a household name commanding unprecedented revenues in print and film royalties. J.K. Rowling, it’s author, went from financial struggle to financial independence in meteoric fashion. 
   It’s actually Rowling’s story that I wish had all the attention, rather than Harry’s. Her story is one of education, adversity, perseverance, creativity, responsibility and, ultimately, belief in oneself as the sure road to triumph.
   In her real life story, there are no magic cloaks, wands or potions. There is only the day in and day out effort of a woman who, in spite of a failed marriage and desperate financial hardship, refused to deny her gift or give up on her passion. 
   J.K. Rowling’s life is filled with themes and messages that act as beacons for those of us searching for a way to move beyond our immediate circumstances. They stand as testimony to the indomitability of the human spirit when propelled by creativity.
   Yes, I know Harry’s story is exciting. I have a 14-year-old daughter who has read all seven books and can regurgitate plot and character detail at warp speed and with mind-boggling detail.  And while I love that she reads so much (and so regularly) it’s Oliver Wendell Holmes’ quote that causes me to stop and reflect.
   While she knows the Latin(?) names for Hermione’s spells and who was really good and who was only faking at being good but was really from the dark side…I’ve not noticed once, throughout all seven books, “not the thought which it contains but the thought which it suggests.” And I think Holmes would support my pause and reflection.  
   “Harry Potter” is really all about magic, fantasy, escape, and violence. Yes, I know we could take both the high road and the time to unearth more worthy themes. But why bother?  The life of it’s author is pure inspiration on it’s face…no time or excavation necessary. 
   In a world filled with so much violence, materialism, and impatience, we should pay more attention to the messages we bring to the children as we and they shape their minds and values for what lay ahead. You and I know there are no magic formulas that, once spoken, get us what we want. There are only intention, attention, and deeds that, when combined, work a kind of magic called co-creation.
   J.K.Rowling is a woman who loved reading and writing so much she went on to teach them in both England and France. A woman who continued to pursue her passion after divorce, writing in restaurants so she and her child could keep warm. A woman who never stopped believing in her creativity or herself. A woman who’s unyielding belief catapulted her to international acclaim and financial reward beyond imagination…hers or ours. 
   Hers is the story that warrants attention and repetition. 
   Oh, and by the way, it’s true.

>  You know the expression “As above, so below?”  It’s often used in relationship to spiritual and earthly matters. Well, this morning I had an insight on this very subject. 
   I suggest you open your mind and hold onto your seat.
   How come the Creation story basically starts with Eve’s causing Adam to see reality in whole new way, thus putting the “fear of G-d” into him (literally!)and getting them both put out of that beautiful place of abundance and harmony? 
   We never question, “Where did that story come from? What preceded it? And most importantly, “What’s the real message”
   Here’s my take on it. 
   In all of nature we see two genders. And we see the necessary combination of them both to create and perpetuate all that is. As above, so below. Therefore, “above” or “preceding” this realty was both Matter and Consciousness. Matter is represented by male energy and consciousness by female energy.  Matter, whose energy is more dense, never had a sense of itself until it developed Consciousness. When it did that, it had its first awareness of Self and was jolted (frightened)by the sheer magnitude of it’s own power. In responding to the “jolt”, Matter reacted with a force equal and opposite to that which Consciousness presented and by so doing, separated itself from itself. For Matter and Consciousness are One.   
   Ever since that occurrence, the Universe has been one of duality, separation and the search for Unity.
   Hence, the Creation Story. When G-d “punishes Adam and Eve and expels them from the Garden” we are being told that ultimate power is so overwhelming that G-d (Creator/Energy) reacted to it in a negative way…thus setting up the reality in which we now live.
   Good news coming.
   Today, around the world, millions of people spent an hour simultaneously reuniting those energies. Separate, they were weakened, tired, and near depleted. Reunited, they now become, each unto themselves and in relation to one another, strong, complete, enlivened and magnificent once again.
   Creator experiences itself through us. We are each Consciousness and Matter. As we understand and accept this fact, about ourselves, our relationship to one another, and to the Source of All… we heal not only this reality but All Realities.
   As below, so above. 
   A New Creation Story.

>The Israeli-Arab conflict is based upon specific ways of thinking about an event in human history. It begins with Hagar and her son, Ishmael, being sent out into the desert by Abraham under the direction of his wife, Sara. By that single act, Arabs believe they were denied something by the Hebrews that would otherwise have been rightfully theirs.
   Similarly, the Jews have their own story. It’s a theme of persecution tat runs strongly throughout the history of the Jewish people as far back as their oppression under the master/slave consciousness of the Egyptians.  Ever since, Jews have been trying to live in peace wherever they reside, only to find what tey see as thousands of years of unending persecution in one form or another.
   If we in fact draw to us, through our thoughts, that which we think about deliberately or by default, then perhaps these two peoples have more in common than they think. 
   And just perhaps, what they are thinking about...and precisely how they are thinking about it, is continually co-creating and re-creating their plight.
   What if Arabs would instead see that their expulsion from Abraham’s home embarked them on a path to unimaginable oil-based wealth given where they finally settled?  What if they used that wealth to continuously uplift and advance their culture?  What if the Jewish people could see that but for their exodus from Egypt, and subsequently imposed limitations by host cultures, they would never have developed priorities focused upon learning and education as a means of advancement. It is that very focus which has caused them to so disproportionately contributed to the scientific, artistic and literary advancement of the world.
   What if these two peoples thought of one another with gratitude for the benefits and opportunities their relationship to one another has provided, instead of looking at one another with fear and animosity?
   You cannot change your history. But you can change how you think about your history and thereby change the story you create around it.
   I prefer to think of the Arab-Israeli relationship as a present opportunity to elevate our consciousness around how we think about their intertwined history and perhaps, by so doing, contribute to assisting them in thinking about it in a new way also.
   I have said it before, but perhaps this is as good a time as any.
   Shalom and Salaam.   
   

>   It’s my birthday so I think it’s a perfectly acceptable day to reflect upon myself. No, not in the 1960’s “it’s all about me, me, me” sense…but in the 21st century “importance of Self-Awareness” sense.
   There’s a big difference, you know.
   Self-absorption is thinking and believing that you are the center of the Universe with total disregard for the rights and considerations of others. Self-awareness is knowing your inherent beauty and unique purpose in the ongoing unfolding of this world then aligning your words and deeds with that knowing. 
   While we all know that right action is a good thing, I’m less certain we grasp the importance of right speech.
   Take, me, for example. I have always loved words. As a child, I literally read everything I could get my hands on. Books, magazines, labels, telephone books…you name it. If I had a few moments to spare and there were words within my reach, I read them. So naturally I grew up with a great vocabulary and an ongoing love of reading. 
   But I also grew up in a house where the last point made in a discussion was the last one shouting. So, while I had an inherent appreciation for words, I was sorely lacking in an appreciation of the importance of tone. For it’s not just what we say but how we say it that creates the total effect. As an adult, I often found people thinking I was mad, or rude, not because of my words…they almost didn’t hear them…but rather because of my tone. 
   In Kabbalah, mystical Judaism, there is the belief that the world was created with the letters of the Hebrew Alphabet. Literally. The belief is that each letter is a channel, a frequency, of energy that in specific combinations creates worlds…creates matter. Thus, the “ineffable name of God.” Pronouncing it in correct sequence would invoke more energy than we could withstand. And the Chofetz Chaim, a Jewish Rabbi and philosopher, wrote volumes on the importance of right speech.
   Reading e-mails I often cringe at “e-mail-ese.” Mangled punctuation and grammar for the sake of expediency. And don’t get me started on Instant Messaging or cell phone text messaging lingo. 
   The art of using words is on a downward slide.
   The cure is to know what’s in your heart and express it through the use of words that say precisely what you mean in a tone that can be heard and received by the listener. 
   Remembering that worlds are created by the proper combination of letters plus frequency is a powerful reminder of why this is an art worth saving.
   This morning, on his way to work at 5:30AM, my husband work me up to wish me a happy birthday. He said the words gently, with a twinkle in his eye and a smile on his face.
   What a beautiful world.
   

>  Two days ago I wrote a blog entry entitled “The Women of Vrindavan” that spoke to the culturally-based ostracism of widows in India. Today, the lead story on CNN is about the horrific practice of female genital mutilation. 
   Both of these stories have a common, and tragic, thread. 
   The common thread is the world-wide demonization and marginalization of the feminine by organized religions and cultural traditions. The tragedy is the effect this view has had on the development of humankind.
   Long before there were patriarchal societies, the goddess, the divine feminine aspect of creation and spirit was revered as evidenced by mythology as well as anthropolgical findings. While I do not know for sure when and where the reversal took place (I’ll leave that to the sociologists and historians), at some point in our history male energy became dominant in both religious and political arenas. The result has been an ongoing attempt over thousands of years to consign females to certain culturally sanctioned roles, and where possible, to exclude them completely from positions of power.
   While what I have described exists globally, it does, admittedly, vary from country to country and culture to culture in the severity of its application. While in some places women can now hold positions of power in both government and organized religion, in others widows are condemned to die in poverty and shame simply for their lack of spouse and young girls have their genitalia barbarically mutilated to “tame their sexual energy.”
   Here’s the irony. 
   We are created in God’s image…male and female alike. What that means is that each of us is comprised of both male and female energies. We know this spiritually and we have proved it physiologically. Each gender has its attributes and its own unique contribution to make to the balancing of the whole. When we discount either gender we deny something essential and beautiful about ourselves, whether we are male or female.
   Because I am a woman, it would be too smug to say that it’s the absence or limitation of feminine energy that’s created all of the violence in the world. I couldn’t know that for sure, anyway. 
   What I do know is that any system out of balance is going to be excessive in manifesting some of it’s aspects and deficient in others.
   Balance is the key.
   What we can do to rectify this error is to first recognize and acknowledge that the devaluation of any of us is to the detriment of all of us. Then, through our words and actions, honor both the feminine and masculine energies that exist in the world, as well as within each of us individually.
   Harmony and balance will pave the way to a world where widows are not shunned for being widows and girls are not mutilated for being girls. 
   And just maybe, a world without violence.
   

>   Have you ever noticed that most of the news is comprised of either the continuation or updating of major world problems or less global stories that fit into a few standard molds?It doesn’t seem to me all that attention and repitition has changed much. 
   Wasn’t it Einstein who said, “Insanity is doing the same thing over again in the same way and expecting a different result?”   
   What if instead of spending so much energy and space writing about the problems of the world, we spent the energy and space writing about the possible solutions? Think about it. 
   Problems aren’t much different that roses. If your roses became sick and you spend your time discussing the sickness and worrying about it  instead of figuring out what to do about it, the roses are likely going to die. What we give our attention to is what, in essence, we nourish, perpetuate and grow. Or not.
   Giving so much time, energy and attention to the problems of the world simply makes them our focus. Focus on the problem and you’re guaranteed to get more of the problem. Focus on the solution and you’re guaranteed to find one. 
   Our pattern is that the media reports it, we take it in, think about it, talk about it…and by so doing..keep it all going. What if we expended little or no energy on the problems and the majority of our energy on creating solutions?  
   It’s really no different in our personal relationships. Oftentimes someone we love or care about struggles with a behavior or an issue in their lives that they clearly want to change. If we, in our effort to assist them, act as a sounding board for their unhappiness or commiserate with them over their plight, we simply nourish the problem.  Wayne Dyer has said, “You can never get sick enough to make anybody else well. You can never get sad enough to make anyone else happy.”  That’s really it, isn’t it? 
   If support and assistance are what you want to offer someone then focus on the solution to their dilemma, not the dilemma. By so doing, you are mirroring for them that which they want for themselves. And if they do not really want a solution, then that’s their decision. In the meantime, you’ve provided an opportunity for them to see their highest good.
   Yesterday I was challenged with a daunting work assignment within a very short period of time. My initial reaction was to focus on how in the world I would accomplish it in time.  My husband happened to be with me at the time I got the assignment and simply said, “You’ll get it done. I am here to support you in it.”  He didn’t mean that he was going to do the work for me. He simply meant that he saw my dilemma and he was focused on the end result I wanted for myself. 
   I can tell you it made all the difference. It got me off the negativity of concern and onto the positivity of creativity. That’s not to say that we always need someone else to allow us to see solutions. There are more times than not that we are able to get to such thinking on our own. However, the more energy directed toward the solution, the more likely and speedily it will occur. 
   Now, back to the world’s problems.
   We cannot get scared enough or angry enough to stop the terrorists. We cannot get hungry enough to stop the starvation. We cannot get bigoted enough to stop the ethnic warfare.
   What we can do is take our attention, time and energy off of the problems and place them on the solutions. That simple step paves the way for the co-creation of new patterns where new outcomes can be manifested.
   Let’s take our attention off of Einstein’s definition of insanity and place it where we can really do some good.

      Former Vice-President Al Gore is going to spend this weekend hosting a globally televised Live Earth concert to try and heighten our awareness of the catastrophic dangers of global warming.
      His son, Al Gore III, has spent the past week receiving national media attention that should raise our awareness of the catastrophic dangers of the widespread use of prescription drugs.
      Recently, I was speaking with a neighbor in her mid-30’s with two young children.  My neighbor is quite social and has many friends in her age group, all with young children. During our conversation about the challenges and pressures of trying to raise children today, she casually mentioned that “90% of my friends are on anti-depressants.”
      This epidemic of prescription drug use and mis-use, as I see it, is not restricted to the young, although Gore’s arrest for marijuana use and illegal possession of prescription drugs is playing in the press and on the Internet that way.      
      The disregard with which prescription drugs are manufactured and sold, the abandon with which they are written, and the ease with which they are consumed are all national problems that transcend the generational divide. The elderly are over-medicated, the boomers are over-medicated, the X-ers are over-medicated, and it seems our school age children are as well.
      There are probably many ways to approach solving this problem. Most require a lot of time, a lot of money and a lot of political organization and power.  The fastest, least expensive and most empowering way, however, is for every one of us to take charge of our lives, our lifestyles, and our life choices.
      It’s not about locking up the pharmaceutical executives or locking up the medicine cabinet. Actions such as these just allow each of us to abdicate our part and our power.    
      Nancy Reagan was half right. “Just Say No” has to start with accepting personal responsibility and rejecting the quick fix of prescription drugs. It also means saying no to our doctors when they reach for the prescription pad.  It means not watching every third commercial on TV touting the latest cure-all for whatever ails us.  It means refusing to continue to live in ways that stress us out despite the fact that we know we’re doing it. It means adjusting our lifestyles to a more realistic pace. It means adjusting our diets to support wellness rather than expediency.      
      Be kind to yourself. Start small.
      Next time you have something as simple as a headache, reach for a yoga mat instead of an Excedrin.  If that’s too mystical and “out there” for you then just stop what you’re doing, get a pen and paper,  re-evaluate your day and identify where the headache came from. Most illness really does originate with dis-ease.  A lack of ease in your life born of choices that do not support a state of continued wellness and continued growth.
      Whichever route you choose, a yoga mat, pencil and paper, or just deep breathing…you’ll begin to change your pattern. This will be a new beginning and a good thing.
      More importantly, the children are watching.

>;Ron Goldman, LLC has purchased the rights to the book (and all related rights) that O.J. Simpson wrote about how he would have done it if he had, in fact, killed the Goldman’s son Ron and Simpson’s ex-wife, Nicole Brown Simpson. As most will recall, a criminal jury acquitted Simpson of the murders but he was later found guilty of wrongful death by a civil jury before whom he was compelled to testify, an act he was able to avoid during the criminal trial under the Constitutional protection against self-incrimination.
   Fred Goldman, Ron’s father, teaches us an important lesson about the outcome of where we place our focused attention. 
   Fred Goldman and his wife suffered an incomparable loss, as no one would deny. Many people never recover from devastating loss and turn their sorrow and their pain against either themselves or others. Some, however, become single-minded of purpose and set a positive goal at which to direct their energies and from which they never waiver.   
   When all the reporters and paparazzi faded into the background, Fred Goldman remained steadfast in that the jury award the Goldman family was awarded would be collected, sooner or later. And while over the past decade or so there were many setbacks toward that end, his perseverance and single-mindedness of purpose has resulted in his sole ownership of what is likely the autobiography, and public admission, of the man who killed his son. The proceeds from the sale of that book and the making of that movie should go a long way towards satisfying the languishing civil award.
   I have a more positive, personal experience in what a focused intention can do.  
   At age 33, I decided to go to law school. Since I had been out of college for several years , I was deeply concerned that I might not be able to handle the workload or muster the academic resources to prevail though that infamous, grueling, first year. 
   So, I made a decision. I would not do or participate in or allow anything that took my mind off of my goal. 
   As an evening student, I spent the next year in classes by night and studying by day.  I literally did not eat in a restaurant, see a movie, go out with friends, or involve myself in any of my friends or family’s “dramas.” I spent the year learning and studying. 
   The result was that I not only survived the first year, I excelled academically.  My accomplishment was simply and clearly the result of my focused intention to succeed and my focused attention on what it was going to take to accomplish that goal. 
   The overriding message is that when we proceed with a focused dedication toward a clearly defined end it becomes easy, seemingly effortless, to make choices that support that end while avoiding
opportunities that would seek to obstruct it.
   Try it. Start small. Think of something you really want then put all your attention on it and see what you get. 
   In 1987 I got a law degree.
   Today, Fred Goldman got justice.

>I witnessed an amazing sight a few days ago while cleaning up my back yard. I saw an ant carrying off another ant. The second ant was dead.    
   As I watched what seemed to me a physically daunting task (afterall, the ant was carrying something it’s own size!) I was struck by the beauty of it all as I perceived it.  Here was a life form exhibiting some version of compassion for a member of it’s species. It was obviously headed back to the ant colony to provide the equivalent of a burial, or simply to return a fellow member of the group to it’s fold.
   When I shared my experience with my husband, he replied, “Oh, it was just taking it back to eat it. I’ve seen that on the Discovery Channel.”
   Talk about a punch in the solar plexus! In one fell swoop of a sentence my compassion turned to disgust. But did it need to?
   Fast forward to yesterday when I was engaged in a conversation with a bright, philosophical man who sees my perpetual positive attitude as, while noble, somewhat naive.  He believes that evil exists and simply not choosing to think about it or “give it energy” is dangerous.
   He made some good points and got me thinking. Temporarily, he even got me doubting.
   Then I took a deep breath, gathered myself back unto myself, and was able to see the lesson that mystics have known for ages and quantum physics has just recently been able to prove: The presence of the observer changes that which is being observed. Simply putting our consciousness on matter changes the behavior of matter.
   Now, back to the ant, my husband and my conversational exchange of yesterday.
   In my world, I placed my consciousness on the ant tending to it’s fallen comrade. And so, that is the effect of my consciousness on what occurs.  In my husband’s world, the ant is on his way to make a meal of his fallen comrade. And so, that is the effect of his consciousness on what occurs. In the world of the man who believes that how you think about evil will not effect or change evil…that is where he places his consciousness and so that is what he creates with it.
   I am not judging any of us or where we choose to place our consciousness. I do, however, believe that we are each living in a reality created by our thoughts.
   I prefer to think (and believe with certainty) that the ant was caring for the body of it’s comrade.
   In my reality, my thought and the ant’s action are inextricably tied to one another and in the end, both deeply matter.

>Twenty-five years ago I had a friend who liked to say that television would turn out to be the downfall of our civilization.  Richard was prone to hyperbole. 
   But about the same time, I was on temporary assignment in California,living in a rental apartment for 3 months with no television. It literally changed my life. (Not living in California…having no TV.) 
   For those three months, I found myself with more “spare time” than I ever had before. I got up at dawn, jogged around a neighborhood track (where I met new people), read more books and magazines (making me more interesting to talk to), browsed local shops (meeting still more new people) and walked the beach a lot, taking in and slowly appreciating the many faces of Nature.  It was a short span of time in my life, relatively speaking, but the impact of life without television was both enlightening and permanent.
   Television isn’t inherently good or bad. It just is. It’s like anything else…it’s how we use it…or how we’re used by it. 
   It’s obvious and easy to dismiss a lot of the meaningless and trashy shows that are available on any one of several hundred channels, but what about the more subtle effects of repeatedly seeing and hearing terrifying or tragic stories about things that take place beyond our immediate existence. Virginia Tech or Paris Hilton…do these events occur within your immediate world or impact the things you have to accomplish today? While I may not mind being informed about such things, and hopefully can in some way benefit from them or come to someone else’s aid, once informed, I don’t need to be subjected to the same story over and over when, in real time, it’s already over. 
   How does the repetition of history on an hourly basis support my living in the present? What does the investigation into the details of a mass murderer’s life do for me? And more importantly, what does it do for the children?
   I spoke with a friend yesterday who has a 6 year old son. At day camp, it seems he put his hands around his throat and said something at about wanting to kill himself…and the next day jumped in front of a go-cart after expressing a similar thought.  She loves her son and is rightfully concerned, yet doesn’t want to make too much out of it in case its just a “boy” thing and he’s trying to get attention by negative means.  In thinking about the incidents, she was repeatedly perplexed by “where did he ever hear talk like that?”  I don’t know that answer for sure, but he’s 6 and has a television in his bedroom. While she believes it calms him down, I believe otherwise.
   There are educational programs and programs with merit in all genres. They key is how responsible are we in discerning what nourishes us and what depletes and diminishes us?
   Some days I’m more serious than others. Today, looking back at what I’ve written, I seem serious. I could go watch TV to get my mind off of it all… but I think I’ll go read a good book instead. 
   Our 14 year old left for camp this week and packed 7 classics to read over the summer. I was elated.
   I’d like to thank the employer who sent me to California for three months 25 years ago for her choices.