Archive for the ‘Behavior’ Category

>    It isn’t often that I revisit a news story I previously commented on but this whole Mattel/Fischer-Price toy recall continues to be fraught with issues we really need to address. 
    Two days ago, in my blog entry “Toys for Tots” I quoted the CEO of Mattel, Bob Eckert, as stating “Nothing is more important that the safety of our children.” In that piece, I pondered what the world would be like if that statement were universally true.
    Such was the point of my entry, although I did note in closing the irony that all of these toxic and dangerous toys are being outsourced at Mattel’s discretion to China, a country that has no child labor laws.
    On second thought, however, that point needs more than a passing glance. It deserves it’s own entry and this is it.
    If Mattel really cared about children, and not just the financial bottom line, the obvious would occur. They would not outsource to a country that 1)uses child labor and 2) so disregards and devalues female children that their orphanages (and their streets) are filled with female infants, toddlers and homeless young girls that nobody wanted.
    That’s China’s problem. Mattel’s problem is that they are hypocrites. Our problem is that we aren’t doing anything about it. What can we do, you say?
    “Don’t buy Fischer-Price or Mattel toys” comes the reply.   
    Now I know that would put added pressure on you from your child based upon their ongoing manipulation by multi-media advertisements that promote the latest and greatest toy that he or she simply has to have. And I know it makes your life a little more challenging because then you have to find alternative toys with which to engage your child.
    But here’s the thing.
    If you know that the manufacturer is deliberately and willfully choosing to do business in and with a country that devalues human rights and human life, and if you deliberately and willfully continue to purchase those toys and thereby support such policies and behavior, then you become the problem… because you see a better way and consciously choose not to choose it.
    I don’t give advice in a vacuum.
    We have a 14-year-old daughter who I often refer to in my blogs. While she’s beyond the Mattel/Fischer-Price age for the most part, we are still daily challenged to limit, or sometimes refuse, purchases and pursuits that are “in” because not to do so would violate particular beliefs or strong opinions that we espouse. My husband and I hope that in the big picture, seeing us hold fast to our principles will serve her far better than ownership of some trendy and disposable item. So we live the difficulties of choice… but we also live the rewards.
    Did I mention our daughter is from China?
    We adopted her when she was 2 years old. She survived those first two years no thanks to the non-existence of her birth country’s human rights policy…or Mattel’s business practices, for that matter.
    Perhaps that’s why this story seems to stick with me a little longer than most.
   

>    Lately we’ve been doing some renovating at our house which has required a lot of clearing out and discarding of things that are no longer needed or of service. It has me thinking about our elected officials.
    Now don’t get me wrong. I’m not going to go on a tirade about how corrupt and awful most of them are (on both sides of the isle) then rant and rave with no substantive idea about how to change things.
    It’s not about them, it’s about us. And I’ve got an idea about what we can do
    As I look back on my life, and also our recent renovations, I see a clear pattern and helpful indicator. Whenever I have accomplished something in my life that was important and meaningful, I did it because I knew what I wanted and placed unwavering focus on my desired outcome. It’s really simple to comprehend. However, putting it into action is another story.
    Those things that I accomplished with unwavering focus had another critical component. I felt passionate about what I wanted. As a result, there was a lot of emotional energy driving both what I was thinking as well as what I was doing about it. That’s really the key. The power of thought and action fueled by positive emotion.
    So, back to our politicians. It is our collective habit to groan and moan about how corrupt and deceitful and greedy they are and how they’re not doing the jobs they were elected to do. But all of our moaning and complaining just gets us more of what we already have because 1) we’re stuck in seeing what we have instead of what we want and, 2) all that moaning and complaining is not fueling anything other than our own frustration.
    What we need is best exemplified by those who founded this country. I’m not talking about a political debate on whether you think the Constitution is a “living” document or whether you’re a “strict constructionist” when it comes to government. Those are red herrings the political analysts and pundits like to throw out there periodically when it’s time to appoint a new Federal or Supreme Court justice.
    I’m talking about the vision, certainty and passion that Washington, Jefferson, Madison, Adams (and all the unnamed women of the time) had that moved this nation in a unique direction and created a truly inspired governing document. They knew what they wanted and they did what they had to do to make it happen.
    We are headed for a Presidential election in 2008. There are many contenders from multiple parties. What if we stop complaining, decide what it is we really want, generate a lot of emotion around that goal, then take action to ensure we get it?
    I’m certain that if enough of us take this approach, and settle for no less than our vision, we can change the pattern and co-create a candidate whose election defies the odds and the powers that be.
    Certainty! Focus! Passion!
    Now there’s a bumper sticker.
   

>    Recently I was in New York City taping a segment of a TV special created by Gary Null, long time health advocate for alternative therapies and frequent “speaker of truth to power.”  I had never met Gary before and although we spoke of many things during the two days of taping, he seemed particularly taken with the subject of bringing ourselves and our world into “balance” and “harmony.”   
    Gary’s right. We are out of balance. Our lives are spent working at a frantic pace just to keep up financially and technologically. Our consumption of natural resources is with an almost total disregard for their replenishment or eventual depletion. Historically, we live in a seemingly endless cycle of violence in one part of the world or another. Our bodies are subject to more diverse diseases than ever, and yet the inherent capacity to use our minds in innovative ways in order to change our patterns gets little of our time and focus.
    Nature has a built-in balance that, absent the intrusion of humankind, allows it to maintain and self-correct. That built-in balance can be seen in the equal participation by both genders among virtually all species of life. Except us.
    And I think therein lies the answer to why we are out of balance.   For thousands years, according to written histories and religious teachings, we humans have been suppressing and silencing the feminine voice and it’s many contributions. Deliberately denied positions of importance and power, the absence of the feminine voice and it’s inherent gifts has meant the absence of nurturing, compassion and intuition from our world. We have deprived ourselves of vital energy that is intended to work in unison, in harmony, with that which is male. The equal participation of both genders is what harmony would look like and balance would be the outcome.
    I am not a feminist or a liberal or any other label you might like to place upon me for my thoughts around all of this. Labels just make it easy for someone in disagreement to manage their own fear of difference and dismiss another’s point of view.
    What I am is a student of Nature in the tradition of Pierre Teilhard de Chardin, the Christian mystic, biologist, paleontologist and philosopher.  For me, all of the really important answers to life can be found in Nature if we are patient enough, humble enough and wise enough to be open to seeing them.
    Nature is inclusive, not exclusive. Nature makes room for female and male alike. Nature is self-organizing.
    I am not saying that all of our problems and challenges will be solved overnight by restoring the Feminine to it’s rightful place in societal evolution. What I am saying is that unless we do, we are destined to remain both out of balance and out of harmony…both within ourselves and among society at large.
    Oh yes, by the way. I mentioned the philosopher Teilhard de Chardin. Did you know the word “philosopher” was coined by the Greek mathematician Pythagoras meaning “Lover of Sophia”…the Goddess of Wisdom who was seen as the personification and embodiment of enlightenment and inspiration.
    Nobody taught me that in math class.

>Just when you think it can’t get much stranger, or more worrisome, come two fathers from Boston who have designed, and are marketing, bulletproof backpack/book bags for school age children.  It seems these two men have been worried about the safety of their children since the Columbine killings and have now done something about it.
    We are living in a society where it’s necessary to try and bulletproof our children’s’ book bags? Well, maybe the answer is “yes” by all appearances. But aren’t there bigger issues here?
    I have never been very active or vocal around the whole gun control issue…mainly because I feel one way but see the other side’s point of view. So, I’ve basically taken the “live and let live” (no pun intended) approach. I abhor the general populace being armed. I am certainly not an advocate for owning any type of gun. But the other side makes the point that if you make gun ownership illegal then only those intending to do harm will have them and, well, I see their point. But surely making it so easy to own one has to be part of the problem.
    Then there is the whole violence in the media contribution to the present state of things. Endless studies have shown that repeated exposure to violence not only desensitizes a viewer’s feelings around violence, it also actually promotes violence.
    So, anyone can own a gun and we are daily inundated with violence in the media. Sounds like two ingredients in a recipe for disaster.
    I understand those Bostonian fathers’ concerns and their wanting to do something to increase the chances that their children (and others) will survive exposure to a violent episode. But to me, it’s like putting a band aid on a hemorrhage the size of a grapefruit.
    We, as responsible members of our society, have to step-up and demand radical changes around the way we live our own lives and what we will tolerate from others.  Each of us has to limit our own family’s exposure to media violence in its many forms…from the internet to TV to newspapers to magazines. Each of us has to make our voices and our pocketbooks heard by the purveyors of such violence that it’s no longer acceptable.
    Most importantly, turn down the potential for violence in your own life. Alter your lifestyle to decrease stress. Runaway stress is a breeding ground for anger which is a breeding ground for escalated anger which, unchecked, turns into violence. Do not tolerate domestic violence, verbal, emotional or physical in your own life and do not ignore it when you see it occurring in the lives of people you know and care about.
    We are in need of creating a bulletproof society where respect, compassion and civility replace selfishness, greed and impatience. Where adequate food, education and the possibility for advancement is available to all in equal measure.  Neither government edict nor bulletproof backpack can do this job. It’s called personal responsibility and it starts with me and it starts with you.
    We have a 14-year-old daughter who is starting high school in a few weeks. Soon we will go shopping for clothes and school supplies. I won’t be buying her a bulletproof anything. She delivers food to the poor once a month, hardly watches TV, has limited internet access,  discusses her emotions with both of us, and has a strong sense of herself as a young woman.
    Backpacks aside, we’re working on the bigger issues in our home.
   

>My husband and I went on a hike and picnic to Palmyra Cove Nature Park in New Jersey. By the brochure’s description, it’s “a 350 acre island of green in a densely populated area on the Delaware River just south of the Pennsylvania/New Jersey line. It’s comprised of “woodlands, wetlands, tidal cove, and wild river shoreline, and serves as an important feeding site for migratory birds.” That’s the official description.

For us, and so many others, it’s a little piece of heaven and respite from urban life in an all too commercialized world. And it’s under attack.

The Army Corps of Engineers (a/k/a the Federal government) along with the New Jersey State government want to take 70 additional acres of this natural habitat (they already have 25)and use it to dump yet more dredge materials from the Delaware River in support of maintaining the commerce route between Philadelphia and Trenton.

Ahhhh…in the name of progress. Or, is it in the name of money?

When we lived in Pennsylvania it was to take 200 year old farm land to build a WalMart. Now it’s to maintain commerce. There’s always an economic reason. My mother lives in southern Florida and it’s a “wasteland” of strip malls and furniture stores and condominium complexes to the demise of the Everglades.

I don’t know why we humans think we are disconnected from the natural environment. Or that we can do with it as we please without a reverberating impact. Perhaps it’s because we think we are disconnected from each other and it all starts there.

Just as “there is only One of Us”…a multitude of “branches” all emanating from one “trunk”…so there is only One of Us when it comes to the Earth. All living things are interconnected and interdependent. To ignore this reality is to go the path of the Everglades.

This is not news.  For decades environmentalists and all people who “get” our connection to one another and the planet have been raising awareness about the dangers of humankind’s insatiable taking without giving back. And so often the question is “What can one individual do against the powers that be?” My answer is that each of us has a voice and a choice. 

Today I choose to use my voice in this blog to state my opposition to the taking of land from Palmyra Cove for dredge material. I will choose to contact the head of the Delaware Riverkeeper Network to see what further help I can provide. I will choose to contact my state representatives as well as my Congressman and Senators via phone and let them know my opposition. And, finally, I will talk with everyone I can about the matter and try and raise awareness and other voices.

Barry Manilow has a great song titled “One Voice.” It’s all about the power of what one voice can do. The song starts out with just his voice solo, and by the end it’s raised to a powerful crescendo of voices that makes you want to just get up and do something…anything. You just want to move.

That’s the power of one, committed, voice. So remember, the next time you wonder what you can do about something that you feel is important, use your voice and your choice.

When you do, I’m sure you’ll feel as good as I do right now.

>  I am not a baseball fan but I can’t miss the fact that Barry Bonds just broke the all time record for home runs set by Hank Aaron. It’s a good time to write about desire, certainty and action. You don’t accomplish what Bonds just did with a healthy amount of some…if not all three of them. 
   Living in the fast-paced, high-tech world we live in, our children are raised with the experience and belief that everything is quickly and easily replaced. As a result, they are short on patience. 
   It’s not unique to our children. 
   Ever since the 1970’s, things have been exponentially speeding up in our world due to the rapid technological advances and how they have impacted the quality of our lives. The almost frantic pace at which we live provides neither time nor energy to contemplate or dedicate ourselves to the necessary stages for achievement. 
   Achieving a goal first requires setting a goal. Setting a goal means knowing what it is you want. Once you have certainty about what you want, it becomes easier to make decisions that support that goal and eliminate things that do not. But having a definitive goal is meaningless without taking the action steps to manifest it.  Action steps almost always include some form of practice or physical action that performed over time reach a level of completion (some would say perfection) that eventually, and often suddenly, create the intended outcome.
   Whether it’s Barry Bonds, Tara Lapinsky, Tiger Woods, Kevin Costner, Hillary Clinton, Mother Teresa or you, it really makes no difference.  You need an intention, a goal, about which you are certain. You have to take the action steps and make decisions that support your goal. And while it’s not a sure thing that doing so will get you where you want to go, or what you want to attain, not participating in all three stages of achievement is pretty much a guarantee that you won’t. 
   So the real harm of today’s pace of life and endless, replaceable “things” is that it breeds a type of laziness and lack of stamina that undermines our inherent need and purpose to uniquely create something of real value…beyond the material.
   Barry Bonds has made a lot of money playing baseball. He will make a lot more money as a result of his latest achievement. Two things I am certain of are these: 1) he did it all because he had a goal, believed he could achieve it, and took the action steps to make it happen and, 2) all the money can’t equal the feeling he had when he hit that 756th home run.
   The money is the perk. 
   Life’s all about the feeling of purpose.
   Ask Barry Bonds.

>  It’s the norm these days that bad news builds up periodically and puts us over the edge. Actually, it happens almost daily with national and global news reports of all that is wrong in the world. 
   One solution is to tune out all that negative chatter and place our attention elsewhere. But what do we do when it happens in our personal lives? 
   It’s inevitable that the simple fact of living in a high-tech, fast-paced, globally-connected world is going to periodically take it’s toll. We all get stressed out. For me, it became very personal this past week so I’d like to share my solution with you in the hope it will be of value.
   It’s called “segment intending.” Actually, it’s not originally my solution.  I borrowed it from Esther Hicks’ work with the energies called “Abraham”…non-physical beings who have communicated some amazing information through her. 
   Now before I lose you with that last sentence…hang in here a little longer and then tell me this is not a great plan!
      Segment intending is setting forth, in your own mind and in your own words, what it is you intend to happen in the immediately next occurring segment of your life. 
   Here’s how it works.  
   You get into your car and are driving to a meeting. Before you start the engine, you say to yourself, out loud, “As I enter this next segment of my life experience I intend to encounter no traffic delays, have a pleasant ride listening to music I enjoy, and arrive in plenty of time to relax before my meeting.”  Then you start the engine and have the experience you just set forth.
   Sounds wonderful, doesn’t it. Well, IT WORKS! 
   Now the key is 1) you have to know what you want in the next segment, 2) you have to believe it is possible, and 3) you have to expect/allow it to manifest in the way you thought and spoke about it.
   What’s all this got to do with personal and global “bad”news. 
   Well, first of all, there’s no bad news. There’s only our limited perception of what the “big picture” is and why things happen they way they do. But secondly, when you manage your life deliberately, one segment at a time, everything really is manageable. And what’s more, putting your intention and your attention on what it is you really want gives momentum to your desired outcome.
   I have said since I was 5 years old…”thoughts are things.” Have the thoughts you want and get the experiences you want.
   Now to the personal part. 
   The past two weeks my husband has been out of state getting his pilot’s license. Everything imaginable has happened to our house in that time period…not the least of which was getting struck by lightening and destroying our sun room. 
   At another time in my life, without the guidance and wisdom of “Abraham” I probably would have caved. But instead, I handled each occurrence head on…setting forth my intention around how to deal with it and the desired outcome…and calmly spoke with my husband each night keeping him posted while supporting him in his goal. 
   And you know, there’s a residual benefit to it all as well. 
   When you are so focused on tending carefully and deliberately to your own life, segment by segment, you don’t have to worry about the world’s problems and all the catastrophic predictions we’re fed every day. They simply don’t exist because your total energies are directed in a positive, self-supporting way.    
   So, try it. One segment at a time. You may not believe in non-physical beings called “Abraham” but you can believe in your own lowered stress levels and renewed sense of empowerment. 
   The proof is in the doing
   Actually, it’s in the segment intending.

>  Oprah is back in the news again regarding the James Frey book, “A Million Little Pieces” that was represented to be non-fiction but turned out to be a mix of a little reality and a fair amount of Mr. Frey’s imagination. Originally, Oprah was a supporter of the book (she placed it on her prized book club list)but later came to excoriate Mr. Frey on national television for his lack of integrity.
   There’s enough lack of integrity to go around here…so let’s follow the trail and see what we can learn.
   First, Frey. There can be little question that the author, in his attempt to write a book that would titillate, abandoned some if not all of his principles to gain recognition and financial gain.  
   Second, Oprah was quick to provide us with yet another quick-fix, self-help guru without doing her homework as to whether he was who he purported to be or, in fact, had done what he said he had done. 
   Third, Frey’s publisher is the reason Oprah and Frey are back in the news. She seems to be working the speaker’s circuit condemning Oprah for taking her client, Frey, to task. To paraphrase her recent statements, she apparently believes that when someone admits to having been a drug addict and alcoholic, one should expect a certain amount of fiction in what is represented to be truth.
   Finally, there’s us. Yes, there’s us. As difficult as this one is to face, we jumped on that bandwagon and bought the whole presentation, book, hook, line and sinker. 
   I know not everyone reading this watched the original show, or bought Frey’s book, or may even know any of this story. I was one of those people who came to the story after the fact. But too many of us did buy in. It’s what we do when we seek the quick-fix and want someone else to do the work and show us the way. We just want to show up and reap the benefit.
   It doesn’t work that way.
   Frey and Oprah and the publisher were each in a hurry to get where they wanted to go and, in their haste, found themselves quite lost. They may or may not have learned a thing or two from their experiences.  Regardless, I suggest we do.
   There are no quick-fixes. We are all responsible for what we say and do personally as well as what we support. Not stepping up and owning our mistakes doesn’t enhance our stature, it only diminishes it. 
   The dangers inherent in Frey’s lies and Oprah’s haste speak for themselves. 
   What’s more insidious and in need of special attention is the publisher’s ongoing perspective… for which she is being paid. Her position is that your past can be an acceptable excuse for knowingly and willfully conceiving bad behavior in your present. According to her, if you were once weak willed, we should expect that you will always be so…and worse yet, if you are…that’s okay too. We expect it.  
   My take is somewhat different. I believe that we’re all here to grow through our weaknesses. With sincere effort, intention, determination and connection to Source, that goal is attainable no matter how challenging the weakness. 
   I also believe that each moment is born anew with an infinite number of new possibilities. And most importantly, I believe in seeing and mirroring the highest good a person is capable of not excusing, or justifying, the worst.
   I don’t know where James Frey stands on all of this at this moment. Or Oprah, for that matter. 
   The publisher is still creating a world where personal responsibility is put aside for personal gain.
   That’s not the world I live in.  

>What a delight to open the CNN homepage yesterday and see the smiling faces of two Indonesian young men holding up a sign that read “War Cannot Stop Football.” They were attending the Asian Cup football/soccer finals yet bearing a message with much deeper and broader possibilities than appeared at first read.
   Sure, it’s a welcome change to see a photo of someone or something other than a terrorist or tragedy or actor being arrested. And sure, it’s great to know that the Iraqi’s, who won the cup, were able to temporarily transcend the hell they’ve been living. 
   However, there are two more important points to be made here.
   First, for over a year on radio, and now five days a week on this blog, I make a point of bringing you good news with the intention of uplifting your spirit and providing hope in a world that often times seems bent on destroying it. I deeply believe that what we intend, think about, talk about, look at, and participate in are the ingredients that, literally, make up our lives.  
   I can’t speak for you, but when I opened up that homepage and saw the smiling faces on those young men holding that banner, I felt great. It actually made me smile. I felt hopeful, too. Not just for football, but for mankind.
   Secondly, we so often dismiss the young and the elderly, thinking the former have not yet much wisdom and the latter past their usefulness.  But it’s youth who hold that idealism and sense of limitless possibility and whose passion and positivity are contagious. It’s the aged who have lived enough life to see glimpses of the end of that life, who can provide us the greatest perspective for what really matters. 
   What really matters is to combine the hopefulness and positivity of youth with the perspective and wisdom of age in order to prioritize our thoughts and actions in ways that support hope, peace and joy.
   I know that it’s possible to someday open up CNN’s home page and see two children holding a banner that will say, “War Cannot Stop Peace.”
   What a smile that will be. For all of us. And by the way, there’s a “Winner’s Cup” for that achievement as well.
   It’s called Heaven on Earth.

>Twenty eight years ago I was in a relationship with a young man who was a rising star in the corporate world. I was in college at the time, having gone back to school after a brief detour. He was an engineer by education and liked to talk about business, money and science-based subjects. I was and still am a bit of a mystic, and while I enjoyed those conversations, I also liked to talk about spirit and consciousness and “other-worldly” matters.
   I remember one day he said to me, “You should be really careful around who you talk to about those things. People may get the wrong impression.”
   I knew what he meant. There were few openings back then for such discussion. 
   I’ve come a long way in 28 years. Haven’t we all?
   I was watching “The Secret” for the first time yesterday and thinking about all the “credentialed” people who signed on to the making of that docu-drama. It was not so long ago those people would never have allowed themselves to be associated with such a project. Understand that I am not a big fan of “The Secret”….mainly because there is no secret. It’s a clever marketing attempt to water down a few genuinely helpful principles for living in order to appeal to the “quick fix” mentality so many suffer from.
   However, the beauty of it all is that a project such as that was even made and so well received. 
   Whether we are talking about people or trees or chairs, we are all simply energy vibrating at different frequencies. How we perceive and how we use that energy determines not only our own personal world but the world at large.
   Using our gifts and unique abilities to heal, exhibit kindness, show compassion, give respect to all living things, develop an awareness of our inherent connectedness to all life forms as well as one another…participating in these and other growth supporting behaviors brings meaning as well as purpose to what is otherwise just a frequency, a wave of energy in search of a point of manifestation.
   If you don’t tune in your radio, you’ll never get music. Just static. Clarifying who we are and what good we can do to grow and expand the possibilities is “personal fine tuning.” Without it, we’re just so much static energy.
   I hope some day to run into that man I was in relationship with back then. I’d be curious to know what he’s talking about today.
   As for me, I’ve spent those past 28 years fine tuning so I could receive a clearer signal. 
   Don’t you just love the music?