Archive for the ‘Behavior’ Category

>     It’s barely 48 hours into 2008 and I suspect most people have already begun, or will soon be on their way towards, breaking those “resolutions” made for the new year. Why do people feel compelled to make New Year’s resolutions anyway, knowing the unlikelihood of success? And what is it that we could successfully pursue instead?
    I think the intent behind grand proclamations of impending, personal change is a noble one. Everyone wants to better themselves and, in particular, cease behavior that’s self-defeating by replacing it with behavior that’s self-affirming. This is an admirable quest. So it isn’t that the intent is wrong, it’s that the premise of how one goes about it that’s awry.
    Behavior, and therefore patterns of behavior, are not created in a single moment through a conscious thought to, in fact, create a pattern. Rather, patterns of behavior are the result of repetitive reinforcement of a thought or thoughts that, over time, become a way of thinking that leads to a particular way of doing. We strengthen the muscle of acting, so to speak, by giving repeated thought to a particular idea.
    Self-defeating behavior is the result of giving repetitive thought to what it is we fear or do not particularly want. For, you see, the power of manifestation that we all possess by way of our thoughts lacks the quality of “judgment” and, therefore, does not distinguish between what is good for us or bad for us. It simply manifests that which we think about. And since it is very human nature to dwell upon what we lack or do not want, we keep on exercising and building that muscle of thought, getting better and better at getting more and more of what we don’t want. Hence, a self-defeating pattern of behavior is established and sustained.
    The solution is not to feed the beast, so to speak.
    The “beast”, it turns out, is every thought that’s inconsistent with who it is we really want to be or what it is we really want to achieve. So, the first step is to stop feeding the beast by not giving it the negative thoughts that continuously re-fuel the energy necessary to sustain the pattern. Once you can catch yourself mid-thought and interfere with self-defeating energies, it’s a small leap to substitute a self-affirming thought in it’s place.
    Example.
    I had a heated argument with my husband yesterday and it seemed to take on a life of it’s own to the extent that it consumed the entire day and negatively impacted everything that happened in our family. At days end, laying awake in a separate bedroom…I found myself thinking about all the things about him that made me angry. When I realized that I was “feeding the beast”…but was unable to magically shift my thinking to his positive qualities…I began to think about him as a giant bouquet of poppies and Gerber daisies.
    Now if you can just stop laughing, or suspend your disbelief long enough to hear me out, I’ll tell you why and what the net effect was.
    I like poppies and Gerber daisies. They’re some of my favorite flowers. They make me happy just to think about them. So, by thinking about them, I shifted my pattern of thought from one of anger and sadness to one of joy and gladness. I en-lightened things up. And, by so doing, not only did I stop feeding the beast of self-defeating thought, I actually lessened the energy charge around those thoughts. Without energy, things…and thoughts are things…cease to exist.
    No, it didn’t solve all the problems of the day and no, there is no happy ending (as of this writing) to the argument.
    However, what did occur was a step forward in the one-step-at-a-time guaranteed method for reversing behavioral patterns that no longer serve us. It’s not as sexy as a martini in hand at midnight avowing never to eat high cholesterol foods again in the new year…but it’s the stuff real change is made of.
    I’ll take that any day because that’s what life is really made of.
    Happy New Year.
    
    

>     Some things cannot be silenced. Truth and the human quest for Freedom are two that come to mind. The assassination today of Benazir Bhutto, former Prime Minister of Pakistan, will not change this fact of life, it will only re-direct the energies around those principles down an alternative path. I don’t want to idolize Bhutto for she was a politician and made her share of mistakes and questionable alliances. But she was also one of those “magnetic” beings who drew to her, particularly in recent days, those of her country who not only search for Truth and Freedom, but those who are willing to stand up and be counted in that search regardless of the price.
    Bhutto knew her time here was limited and the end of that time close at hand. Recent statements by her evidenced this fact. She knew the way Martin Luther King knew. One does not consciously march into Hell for a Heavenly cause without an awareness of the consequences. But throughout time immemorial the presence, or even likelihood, of such danger has never succeeded in deterring those whose life’s work is to speak not only their own Truth but also one that holds the possibility of liberating many. For true Freedom, and the liberation that is part of Freedom, can only be attained by recognizing, speaking and living Truth as we experience it for ourselves.
    Many would say that this is a dangerous philosophy to espouse for what may be Truth to me, and therefore how I choose to live, may simultaneously cause another harm. What better example of this do we have than the forces that assassinated Mrs. Bhutto? Islamist extremists say they know and represent the Truth as founded in the Koran. It is that Truth that necessitated the silencing of Benazir Bhutto and many others before her. The response is so simple as to almost be overlooked.
    We all have a core Truth from which everything else flows. That core is Love. Love never harms, inflicts suffering or pain on anyone or anything. So, when one’s thoughts, speech and actions are the impetus for harm, they are never coming from that origin of Love. When harm is the result, it is a self-serving truth, designed and manipulated to achieve a pre-determined end…and in such moments, neither Truth nor Freedom are honorably served.
    There is another glaring difference between Truth and the smaller, self-serving kind. Truth inspires individuals to greatness. It reaches in and tugs on both heart and mind with an irresistible lure and calls out “Follow your inner guidance and it will see you home” Alternatively, that smaller self-serving truth demands and bullies and threatens and oppresses until it achieves what it wants at the expense of the many. And in the end, all who have been frightened into submission find themselves abandoned and far from home. The differences are glaring.
    We are all perfectly imperfect and Benazir Bhutto was no exception. But she dared to move out in front holding the torch that will light the way for so many others to follow. Bhutto may be gone, but the torch is passed on to others now and it is a light that will not be extinguished.
    It is the Light of Truth.

         >Yesterday before I left home in the morning I quickly checked out internet headlines and, of course, the big story was that TIME Magazine had chosen Vladimir Putin as Person of the Year. Upon returning home, I again checked out the headlines and found that, by evening, the big story had become that Britney Spears’ 16 year old sister Jamie Lynn, herself a television series star, is both single and pregnant.
    Two questions come to mind. “Is anybody conscious?” and “Where are their priorities?”
    I actually think the former provides an answer to the latter.
    It isn’t possible to be conscious (as in awake and present in the ‘here and now’ of Life)and choose Vladimir Putin as Person of the Year. I make this assertion because once one understands the power of thought combined with the powers of both intention and deed, one would never give energy to a person or idea such as Putin or what he represents. To “glorify” him (and that is what placing his face on the cover of TIME does…no matter how TIME’s editorial board tries to justify and rationalize their choice) is to empower both him and the energies of domination he represents. These are energies of a failed past that the world is moving beyond. TIME, by its action, gives life to an attempt at resurrecting that past.
    So, the editorial board of TIME is unconscious. Much of media appears to be, as well. The awareness we all need to have around this thought is that an unconscious creator creates by default…not by design.
    A “default drive” cannot prioritize. It creates by rote. What has been “is” and what “is” will continue to be. So, as the media remains stuck in unconscious creation, it perceives that the sex life and moral choices of a 16-year-old actress are what matter.
    Not so much.
    To conscious individuals, the highest good for all concerned is the place to focus thoughts, intentions and deeds. Conscious individuals understand the power of individual creativity as well as the cumulative power of collective creativity. My thoughts matter, and they matter that much more when combined with, and aligned with, yours. Ad infinitum.
    So rather than Putin and Spears, I prefer to direct my energy and focus on making myself a better person each day. I am committed to not allowing myself to be distracted by the misguided wanderings of people, and organizations, with apparent power.
    True power is neither Putin’s, because he is President of a nation, nor Spears’ because she is famous. Both are transient and illusory states. True power is knowing that they are, in fact, transient and illusory states. Being aware of how we behave today, where we place our thoughts, focus our intention and manifest our deeds is to know the purpose of Life and to have prioritized in light of that knowing.
    

>     In fairness to full disclosure, I need to say right up front that we have an adopted 14-year-old daughter from China, so writing about adoption is always quite personal for me.
    Writing about this particular one is infuriating.
    It seems that 7 years ago Dutch vice consul Raymond Poetaray (posted in Hong Kong) and his wife adopted a then 4-month old Korean baby girl named Jade. Now, 7 years later, having never attempted to obtain Dutch citizenship for the child, the Poetarays have returned their child to Hong Kong’s Social Welfare Department citing her “emotional remoteness” as the reason why they can no longer care for her. While I have neither doubts nor illusions concerning the challenges inherent in raising an adopted child, particularly one that may not have benefited from nurturing pre-and post-natal care, it almost defies imagination that two educated people would “return” a child as one might an appliance or a toy.
    So perhaps this case is about common sense and compassion…not about education. In fact, this might just be a very strong argument in favor of why academic degrees and professional accomplishments mean nothing if not balanced with a healthy dose of common sense and compassion for all living things.
    We adopted our daughter from China when she was 2 years old. While we will never know what those first two years of her life were like, we can make a reasoned assumption that she missed out on all kinds of nourishment, physical as well as emotional. Such lack takes it toll. To think, or expect, otherwise is delusional and harmful for all concerned. We have had our own share of challenges in raising our daughter but are they any more or less than they would have been had we given birth to her? In either case, it is a roll of the dice.
    What for us (and the Peotarays) have been emotional challenges could just have easily been emotional and/or physical challenges had we given birth to these girls. It really matters not. What matters is that when you reach out and embrace a child, you do it fully with an understanding of what your part of the bargain is to be. And even if, as in my case and the Poetarays, you underestimate the responsibility as well as the challenges, you none-the-less stand your ground in the name of love.
    I often wonder what will become of a world where we disrespect and disregard the rights of children, for as I often say, “they are the future.” Usually, I pose this question in light of child slavery, child abuse, or genocide in Africa. But now I must add yet another category to this tragedy. Now I must acknowledge that for some people, children are like property to be traded in when the model does not suit one’s needs.
    What gives me hope is that behind all the human failings that we are capable of, I believe in a Higher Order that is always moving towards the highest good. It appears that Jade, now in the custody of Hong Kong’s Social Welfare Department, has been placed with an English-speaking foster family and is going to a Hong Kong school while the Department looks to make a permanent placement for her in the future.
    I believe that Jade will find a family that loves and appreciates her for the gift she is and that life will reward her in ways as yet unimagined by all concerned. While I deeply regret what she has had to endure in 7 short years, she has a whole lifetime ahead of her to overcome her experiences and use them to her benefit.
    As for the Poetarays, who I am certain wanted to quietly dismiss and disregard this precious life they took on in a most careless and callous manner…well, they are now and forever infamous for what they lack.

         >There appears to be some controversy brewing over Oprah Winfrey’s support of Barack Obama. Reaction to her speeches on his behalf appear to be circling around the idea that she is injecting race into the election by her references to Dr. Martin Luther King and Obama’s candidacy being a seminal moment in African American history. I’d like to weigh in on this matter but I am not an African-American.
    Which is exactly the point.
    It’s too cheap and easy to accuse her of playing the race card.” I’d say that’s a pretty superficial rendering of what’s likely going on for her. You see, while I am not an African American, I am a Jew. This fact allows me 1) to partially understand her feelings as a minority within a majority culture and 2)know what it’s like to have someone from your heritage ascend, for the first time, to a position of such magnitude.
    Allow me to take those two points in reverse order.
    I can still recall the excitement I felt when Senator Joe Lieberman was selected as Al Gore’s Vice Presidential running mate in 2000. To live in a time and place when a practicing (or even had he been a non-practicing) Jew was able to be recognized and acknowledged for his talents and contributions and considered for the second highest political office in the country was a moment of extreme pride. When I spoke of it to others, Jew and non-Jew alike, I wasn’t “playing the religion card”…I was simply basking in the reality of having arrived at a place certain after a long and arduous journey. For me, as a Jew, not to have seen it in the context of all that came before it, would have been to somehow rob the moment of it’s meaning.
    So too, for Oprah. I doubt her references to Dr. King and the potential importance of this moment have anything to do with “playing the race card.” To the contrary, Dr. King was not about separation and segregation. He was about unity and a colorblind nation. Anyone who missed that would obviously misread Oprah’s references and mistake her pride for something insidious.
    My other point is more delicate. It is not possible for someone who is not a member of a minority to truly feel the experience of being one. I can only come so close to the African American experience as a result of my religious heritage. 
    I can still vicerally recall the first time I visited Israel. On Friday afternoon, all of the stores began to close for the Sabbath. People were rushing about buying groceries and men were buying the traditional Shabbat bouquet of flowers to take home for the Sabbath meal. Most people I passed on the street smiled and exchanged “Shabbat Shalom” (Sabbath of peace) greetings. I was overwhelmed with the sense of what it felt like to be in the majority. And the feeling was stunning. I have never forgotten it.
    This is, however, as close as I can come to the experience of African Americans. The reason for that is that when I walk into a room or a public place, I do not visibly project my minority status. I can be a Jew and no one might know. But an African American will be seen as such and reacted to as such without question. Those reactions will depend upon the level of enlightenment of others. I can only assume that more often than one would hope those reactions are unkind and the source of great pain.
    So, please, let us not decide how Oprah Winfrey should feel or speak about the candidacy of Barack Obama. We have not walked in her shoes and we do not know what is in her heart.
    I prefer to believe that Oprah’s references to Dr. King, and her support of Obama’s candidacy, are the joyful manifestation of a long awaited dream come true…in a country where we pride ourselves on dreams coming true.

>     Well, it appears that Arkansas Governor and Republican Presidential candidate Mike Huckabee is very sorry for an indelicate question he recently posed during an interview with a New York Times reporter. After discussing whether or not Mitt Romney’s Mormon faith should influence a voter’s choice, Huckabee apparently offered up, unsolicited, the question/comment, “Don’t Mormons believe that Jesus and the devil are brothers?”
    I have always believed that being a good listener is an art. When you know how to truly listen, you can learn a great deal about a person by what they say, what they don’t say, and what lies unsaid between their spoken words. So, listening to Mike Huckabee’s quote was, for me, not unlike listening to Mel Gibson rant anti-Semitic profanities after being pulled over for DUI. 
    Now your first reaction may be that this isn’t a valid comparison because Gibson was drunk at the time of his hateful speech and Huckabee was not. But I would say they are exactly alike in that both men revealed what is in their minds, and more importantly, their hearts. Any recovering alcoholic will tell you that it’s “never the alcohol speaking”…it’s you. While being drunk may cause you to be louder (or sometimes softer) than you would be sober…or have you make more of a fool of yourself than you would otherwise…it won’t cause you to say something that, substantively, you don’t think and/or believe. And while running for President of the United States may cause you to try and please too many for the sake of a vote, it won’t make you say what you do not think and/or believe.
    Even if I give Mike Huckabee the benefit of the doubt, which I must do as a spiritual Being, and conclude that his was an honest question in search of an honest answer, the fact that he posed it in such an inappropriate venue and directed it to such an inappropriate person, tells me that his judgment and common sense are simply not Presidential.  
    So what can we learn from Governor Huckabee’s indiscretion? I think a lot…particularly about right speech. It’s the origin of the saying “If you can’t say something nice don’t say anything at all.” But it goes much deeper than the adage appears on it’s face. Because we literally create what we think, when we give “body” to thought by wrapping it in speech we manifest into our world that which we are thinking. That makes it pretty important that we be vigilant about both what we think and what we say.
    Mel Gibson and Mike Huckabee were both contrite when what they thought and said created a public backlash. That, at least, is a good thing. It is important to stop evil speech in it’s tracks so that we do not feed the beast and perpetuate a world of separation and baseless hatred.
    I repeatedly say that we are living in extraordinary times as human consciousness expands and evolves. I also repeatedly say that as the expansion is occurring, it becomes more and more difficult to hide truth and manipulate others.
    Governor Huckabee has told us who he is and what he thinks by what he said and how he chose to say it.
    Properly seen, it is a gift of truth that now frees up the Governor to re-evaluate what is in his heart and frees up the rest of us to vote for someone else.
    

>Today, I listened to a nationally acclaimed radio talk show
host asking why the “liberal” media wasn’t placing responsibility on
Rosie O’Donnell, Al Franken and other “Christian-bashing liberals” for
the shooter in Colorado who entered a Christian place of worship and Christian Mission and
randomly killed several people before being shot himself. It seems the
talk show host assumed that the shooter was driven to his act by the
rantings of the “Left” against the Conservative “Right.”  The host also
wanted “equal time” (and I can only assume equal blame attributed) for what he
sees as the liberal media propensity for characteristically charging Conservatives and Christians with “hate-mongering” against
gays, feminists, immigrants and African-Americans.
    It turns out the shooter was actually a former employee (or volunteer) for Youth With A Mission, the site of the first attack and shooting. He had apparently had a falling out with the organization several years prior and had been writing threatening letters ever since. So it appears to have been a “Christian” against “Christian” crime. So much for the desire, or need, to implicate the liberal media.
    The second point the talk show host made is more troubling…because it is more likely founded in fact. There is a general consensus among certain segments of the population, and media, that Conservative implies a certain narrowness and exclusivity of thinking that condescends to others who are not mainstream and white. This, of course, is absurd.
    As is all stereotyping.
    But here’s the heart of the matter…or the lack of heart, as it were.
    Why are we still not evolved enough to stop blaming anyone, and anything other than ourselves, rather than take responsibility for the state of our lives and the state of our nation?  It neither serves us personally, nor collectively, to try and pass on to others the effects of the choices we make or fail to make.
    Violence and hatred in our society are not the result of Liberal Democrats, Conservative Republicans, Libertarians, Rosicrucians, Wiccans or any other single political or religious organization or movement. They are the result of each of us refusing to make the difficult ethical and spiritual choices around what is good versus what is convenient.
    When we stop holding hatred and violence in our hearts and minds we will stop creating them in our reality. When we stop creating them in our reality we will stop having to suffer the consequences of our own thoughts and actions.
    It will be easy to dismiss this as not pertaining to you since you don’t “hate” anyone and you aren’t “violent.” But before you dismiss it completely and let yourself off this hook, ask yourself if you truly accept and allow others their differences of thought and belief without harboring either disdain or condescension towards them. Ask yourself if when in your car someone cuts you off you either think or react in a way that is retaliatory or anger based. Because while a yes to either of these examples (or similar examples) does not not make you a murderer, they are all none-the-less the seeds of hated and violence.
    In order to truly eradicate from our world that which we find reprehensible we must start with our own choices of thought and action and be vigilant around them.
    While there’s more than enough “blame” to go around…blame is a dead-end circle leading nowhere. The path to a loving, peaceful, non-violent world is down a road populated with loving, peaceful, non-violent people.
    I’d like us to meet on that road. How about you?

>     The deeply disturbed 19-year-old gunman who sought “fame” by going on a shooting rampage at a Nebraska mall, killing 8 and wounding 5 others substantially achieved his goal. In the world of “15 minutes of fame” in which we live, CNN and other media outlets have, since the rampage occurred, more than granted him his wish by headlining his photo and identifying him by name for over 24 hours now…setting yet another example for yet another disturbed person to emulate.
    Fast food and fast fame, it appears, make for a diseased society. Which is what has me thinking about volunteerism and service to others.
    A recent poll by South Jersey Magazine found Pennsylvania and New Jersey 32 and 33 out of 50 states in the time their citizens spend volunteering.  Now, because I live in New Jersey, I was naturally less than proud of the statistical finding. But it wasn’t the ranking that got my attention, it was the apparent overall belief of those polled that giving money is the same as, and an acceptable substitute for, giving time.
    No, it’s not…although this belief does match up with the often-voiced Conservative cry that we are “the most charitable nation in the world” based upon dollars given.
    The problems with this assumption and conclusion are two-fold. 1) There is so much corruption, or at least monumental waste, within almost every large organization that what is given is but a fraction of what actually winds up with the intended recipient or doing any real good. 2) While it is money that purchases food and supplies and pays the way for emergency workers to be transported to crisis locations, it’s always the helping hand, the hug, the kind word, the physical and emotional interaction of one person with another that makes the real impact and has the lasting effect.
    I have always thought that one of the real tragedies of 9/11 (following the loss of life) was the missed opportunity by President George Bush to ask each of us to step up and volunteer time in helping one another as a way of life and to personally alter our lifestyles to reduce our dependence upon foreign oil. He would have hit a home run with that one, and by so doing, caused us to make a significant and positive impact upon the quality of life in this country.
    My father was a very charitable man. He literally never saw or heard of suffering (human or animal) that he did not reach into his wallet and make a contribution. It’s a great legacy and one of which I am proud. But as each new generation sees things differently, and hopefully for the better, I have come to the conclusion that it’s the one-on-one acts of love that make the real difference.
    Personally, I have come up short in this regard. Always ready to provide a kind, encouraging or inspirational word to friends and others who cross my path, I have been remiss in donating real time on an individual basis. That’s why tomorrow I have an interview to volunteer 5-20 hours a month as a child advocate for the court system. As a former practicing attorney, mother, and plain old human being, I’m certain I can be of value. It’s just a start, but I know in my heart that “service” is the answer and so serve I must.
    There are as many ways to serve as there are people so just pick one that suits you and get on with it.
    Fifteen minutes of fame for taking 8 lives and wounding 5 others is the most fleeting of outcomes and in the end amounts to nothing except, perhaps, a marred Soul. But a sustained personal effort intended to positively impact the lives of others becomes a legacy and gift that will most likely keep on giving long after we are gone.
    Now there’s a red carpet I’d like to walk down.
    
    

>     As a former lawyer (recovering lawyer as I like to say) I’ve heard my share of lawyer jokes and references to Shakespeare’s famous predisposition to “first kill all the lawyers.” Having known the profession from the “inside out” I understand the basis for such sentiments…although murder seems an extreme remedy. Part of the problem is certainly too many lawyers and too much self-oversight…the chicken guarding the hen house syndrome.
    Today, it appears that if Shakespeare could arise and view our current health care situation, he might just suggest killing all the doctors…or at least the excessive number of specialists.
    In the December 2007 issue of The Atlantic magazine, Shannon Brownlee writes that “over the next eight years medical schools will be aiming to increase enrollment by 30%” yet what they are producing is more and more specialists and fewer and fewer primary care physicians. In fact, “between 1997 and 2005 the number of U.S. medical school graduates entering family-practice residencies fell by 50%.”
    In practical terms more doctors means worse care, a fact Brownlee documents. Why? Because, according to the author, 1) more and duplicative tests and procedures entail more risk and, 2) multiple specialists for a single patient multiplies the potential for miscommunication and confusion. Duplicate tests, drugs that interact poorly with existing medications, and the assumption that one of the other physicians will attend to a critical aspect of the patient’s care are all undesirable and dangerous outcomes of this highly specialized approach. Brownlee poses some possible solutions, one of which is to simply “turn the spigot off” and stop soliciting and graduating more doctors.
    Then there is the more spiritually-based “personal responsibility” solution.
    Let’s put our energies into wellness instead of sickness.
    It all begins with each of us and how we choose to live our lives. No matter which way you cut it, you cannot eat preservative-infused, high sodium, high fat fast food (or even slow food) and expect to remain healthy. You cannot create a life that is so stress-laden in the quest to acquire more and more “things” and expect to remain healthy. You cannot use and abuse and pollute the Earth with total disregard for the real impact of such behavior and expect to live in a nourishing environment.
    A refusal to see the connection between how we live and how healthy we live is the source of our dis-ease. After all, it’s called dis-ease. If I or anyone else has to explain the component parts of that word to you then the challenge is bigger than I anticipate.
    Generally we go to doctor after-the-fact…meaning that we’ve ignored the warning signs (overt and covert) and have pushed our psyches, our bodies and, yes, our Souls past the break point. As the pace of life escalates exponentially with the runaway technological boom, perhaps it make perfect sense that we need more doctors…or so we’re led to believe.
    I think not.
    More dis-ease and more ill-ness ought to be indicators that WE are somehow out of alignment with Nature and all things life affirming. It is up to each of us to turn inward and examine the quality of our thoughts, our actions, and the life we choose to live.
    Government hasn’t solved much. Lawyers even less. And now the doctors aren’t all that much help either, it turns out. Seems to me we are inclined to look anywhere other than where help is readily available.
    In case you somehow missed where that is, it’s in your hands.
    I guess that’s why they say, “Physician, heal thyself.”
 
   
    
    
    

>    I’ve written about my love of animals before. Those who know me well are aware that it borders on the irrational at times. I don’t know why I have such a sensitivity to their plight, particularly their suffering, but I do know that because of it I have always panicked somewhat in the face of an injured animal and, because of that panic, been of little practical value in bringing relief. So, it was with shock that last week I saw a cat hit by a car and stopped to assist the animal.
    It was Thanksgiving Day and I was off to the store to pick up a forgotten cooking ingredient when I passed a cat laying in the middle of the opposite oncoming lane. It had just been hit by a passing car.
    Without giving it any thought, I made a U-turn, pulled over to the side of the road, put my emergency flashers on, and got out of my car. As I approached the cat I bent down and tried to determine if it had any signs of life, but it didn’t. A passerby slowed and asked if I was all right and I said I was so he continued on. I gently cradled the cat in my arms and looked around.
    There were many houses lining the roadway. I approached the one closest to where I was standing and a teenage girl answered the door. When I asked her if she knew whose cat this might be, she replied “I think it’s mine.” Her look was one of disbelief and confusion, so I asked her if her parents were home and she said her mother was inside. I asked her to please get her mother to come to the door. When the mother arrived at the door she confirmed, also with disbelief and a look of confusion, that it was their cat. With the cat still in my arms, the mother said, “I can’t take it. My husband died two weeks ago. Forty-four years old. He just died and we don’t know why. And now this. How can it be? He isn’t even an outdoor cat. He was just in my bedroom. How can this be?”
    Of course, I instantly understood the looks of disbelief and confusion on their faces as they had each come to answer the door.   Sometimes Life seems to pile on just a bit too much at once.
    Inside I was grieving for this beautiful, young cat…but I was also asking myself what could I possibly say to alleviate the suffering of this family. I began to speak to the mother about my beliefs around death and how we never lose anyone and the ever-present Soul…all the while continuing to cradle this sweet animal in my arms.
    After sharing my beliefs, I asked the mother if she wanted me to help her bury him. She said no, that she just wanted to hold him for awhile then they would bury him. As I passed his body over to her arms, we both wept. Then the mother looked at me with a puzzled look and said, “Who are you? What’s your name?” I told her my name and through her tears she lovingly replied, “Thank you. Thank you so much. You did the right thing.”
    We embraced each other, the cat in her arms and warm against both our bodies. She continued to weep so I whispered into her ear, “You will be fine. You are strong. You have a daughter who needs you now.”
    I got back in my car and went home.  
    I could not continue on to the store that Thanksgiving Day after what happened. I returned home and sat outside with the trees and the birds in my backyard for awhile and fully allowed myself to feel the sadness and suffering I had just passed through. I thought about whether or not my efforts of consolation were of any value at all, or just my egoic need to see myself as helpful. Then I remembered the mother’s words. “Thank you. Thank you so much. You did the right thing.”
     What
changed in my life that allowed me to stop instead of panicking that day are three important
realizations. First, living in the present is all there is. Secondly,
an understanding of how we are all connected as One. Thirdly, handling
what shows up, without judgment, is what Life is about and what gives it depth of meaning.
    This morning someone said that as a practicing Christian he “rarely gives charity to individuals but instead gives it to organizations because as a Christian he believes in the order and perfection of things and organizations are in a better position to help in a methodical and meaningful way.” I could not disagree more.
    Every day we are each presented with opportunities to be of assistance to another, other life forms, or the planet in general. Those opportunities are ours alone for a purpose. We are each Creator
experiencing Itself repeatedly in ways that are uniquely you and uniquely me. I don’t believe we are to turn over or abdicate our personal responsibilities, or opportunities, as they show up.
  My view on all of this may be right for me but not for you. You may choose to agree with the Christian who expressed the views he did.
    But I can tell you this.
    How I now see Life allowed me to stay present and focused in the face of what would have previously been my panic…and to figurative as well as literally embrace and become One with two people during a time of suffering.
    I have so much to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.