Archive for February, 2008

>     Last night I listened and
watched both Barack Obama and John McCain give “victory” speeches
following the primary votes in Maryland, Virginia and the District of
Columbia. The contrast was stunning. And while I
continue to have my hesitations about Barack Obama, mostly around his
lack of experience and relationship to Reverend Jeremiah Wright, Jr.,
there is no denying that the content and delivery of Obama’s speech was
stirring. He has a gift for using language and passion in a way that
inspires and uplifts. These are qualities for which Americans are
hungry and this, I believe, is the core of his appeal.
    Last
night he spoke about “hope.” I find it fascinating that former
President Bill Clinton, husband of Obama’s rival for the nomination,
also rode to the Presidency on the same word. It was Bill Clinton’s
“The Man From Hope” carefully produced video retrospective of his life
(referring to Hope, Arkansas where he was born) that moved and inspired
many. But the hope that Bill Clinton held out was a Hollywood
orchestrated production lacking in a core truth that ultimately gave us
a national scandal and deep disillusionment of character.
    The hope
that Barack Obama spoke to last night was the real thing. It wasn’t a
play on words or a political web he was weaving to obscure the truth of
the matter. The hope he spoke of reaches into the heart and uplifts the
Soul. It is the hope that enlivens people and makes them want to be the
best they can be. He isn’t promising anything other than that each of
us will have to be fully engaged and part of the solution.
   
Obama is laying out the recipe for change, although there are many who
are missing what is being set before them. I hear them in the media every day,
talking about his lack of policy or, worse, his disastrous policies. We
have had leaders with great policies in theory who could neither
inspire nor lead. In the end, I do not think these criticisms will be
enough to obstruct his path to the White House. At the moment, he is a
man on a mission who appears to have a destiny.
    There are two common theories about leadership. The first is that great men (and hopefully someday women) lead
the governed where they  see a nation wanting to go. The second is that
people get the leader they deserve…one that reflects the times. Under
either theory, Barack Obama’s rise is encouraging. If nominated and
elected, the challenge for him will be to keep nourishing the seeds of
hope that he now speaks to and engenders. Faced with the realities of
the world and the temptations of power, this itself is a daunting task.
    I am heartened by Obama’s presence and the vision he paints. We as
a nation have, in many way, misplaced hope. It is important to be inspired and reminded of all that is possible when one puts their heart and soul
into creating something good.
    What Obama is reminding us is that each one of us is an aspect of a greater One. He bears the message that when we as individuals are joined by both heart and purpose we can, together, co-create something greater than the sum of our parts.
    This has always been this nation’s message.
    Now, let us hope.

>     There is a Blackberry “blackout” today, the cause of which is yet unknown. I’m not a Blackberry user but I have friends who are and their professional and personal lives are tied to it’s function and their reliance upon it. So I think it’s a good opportunity to examine our dependence upon the technology of the 21st century and contemplate life should tomorrow it disappear…or at least became non-functioning, for whatever reason.
    I’m neither a Doomesday nor an Armageddon proponent so I’m not attributing an onerous source or ill intent to the possibility. The “how” of it isn’t my concern. What is my concern is how far we’ve strayed from what it takes to live life in the “slower lane” and just how prepared we’d be to step up and meet that challenge.
    A place we can go to get an idea about what it would be like is one of the many geographic areas that have suffered a natural disaster that interrupted basic services as well as life in general. People who have lived through such experiences have some idea of what it requires and the toll it takes.
    What I find so fascinating about those experiences is the camaraderie and general “pulling together” that is so often exhibited under extraordinarily devastating circumstances. More often than not, something deep within the best of us is touched and moved to heightened levels of empathy and compassion. Somewhere within our Souls we see “the other” as ourselves and seek to render aid and relieve suffering. Out of these moments are born meaning and joy beyond reason.
    This drive towards Oneness, I am certain, is what is at the core of each of us. I am also certain that the pace of the technology has so overridden our natural rhythms that it has become increasingly difficult, in many cases impossible, to slow down long enough to notice discomfort in those we interact with each day, including those closest to us. It may take a disaster of monumental proportions to get our attention, to bring us present, sufficient to open to the needs of those around us. Sadly,  disaster comes in many forms. Yes, it can be the hurricane, the tornado, or the tsumani, but it can also be the cancer, the auto accident or the attempted suicide…although this need not be the case.
    We can awaken voluntarily of our own accord and become conscious around the rate of speed at which we travel and what we’re likely missing along the way. We can respond to little hints, as opposed to tragic acts, to re-focus and re-prioritize our lives in such ways that we become the masters of the technology and therefore the rate of speed, rather than slaves to both.
    I noticed some time ago that when my computer is booting up and loading, some of the technical language built into the hard drive actually uses the words “master” and “slave.” There are no accidents. The words are there and were built into the creation of the technology because like everything else in Life…we get to choose.
    In this case, the choice is whether we continue to be enslaved to our own creations or whether we have the inner strength and outer courage to reverse these roles and take back control of the quality of our lives.
    The Blackberry blackout of today is tomorrow’s technological tsunami. Let’s take the hint and pass on the disaster.

P.S.  Get my inspiring FREE e-book download “Too Many Secrets” at my website!

>     There’s a
fascinating “exercise” I once read about and it goes like this. Each
morning, upon awakening, picture an Angel walking in front of you
everywhere you go. Now picture that same Angel preceding your every
arrival by announcing these words: “Behold! The image and likeness of
God.” Imagine how you’d feel throughout your day, and imagine how that
would affect how you behaved. Pretty powerful stuff.
    Now, take it one step further.
    Picture everyone else in the world also having an Angel preceding them announcing their arrival, proclaiming the very same words.
    Now, we’re beyond powerful stuff. Now we’re talking Earth-changing.
    That’s the point.
    I was reminded of this “exercise” as I listened to, and read, this
morning’s news. As the economy slips towards recession and people are
generally concerned for the 2008 Presidential election and the
candidates capabilities to handle tough issues in a new and meaningful
way, these concerns pile atop the existing stressors with which each of
us is already trying to manage. As all these stressors reach critical
mass, I see the seeds of discontent beginning to spout around an “us”
vs. “them” mentality.
    Historically when times are difficult,
it has been easy for individuals and groups, with less than noble
intentions, to rally the masses against a common enemy, or target a
scapegoat, to distract us from the real challenges of the day. By
exaggerating differences as opposed to highlighting commonalities, the wedge of separation and the indifference it engenders, opens the door to a place where hateful speech and actions follow.
    Ever the optimist, this crossroad we now face also holds the
potential for a very different outcome. If, instead of falling into the
rut of worn out paths that have not served us well, we acknowledge and
honor our differences while simultaneously acknowledging in word and
deed that we are of One Source having One Intention, then it will be
possible to forge a new path where diversity becomes the capital we
exchange to enhance not only ourselves but also one another as well.
    What does “in the image of likeness of God” mean?  Well, I would
say that “in the image” is some reference to our biological and
physiological components. And while not meaning that literally, I do
mean that on some level, our physical composition and
functioning is an energetic semblance of the essential components of
Source. There is nothing we need do to be in the image of God. Our physical existence makes us so.
    However, to be “in the likeness of God” means to act in a way that also reflects how God “acts.” I
would suggest that the answer to that conundrum in evidenced in the
beauty, harmony and self-organizing principles we see manifested all
around us in Nature. There, exists clear evidence of a level of harmony
and cooperation that is for the highest good of all concerned. Not that
it is free of death, but that it is free of greed and
baseless aggression. There, diversity is the stuff the continued
existence of All is made of and, so, has it’s rightful place.     In
Nature, it is as if before every living creature, except humankind,
there goes an Angel proclaiming, “Behold the image and likeness of
God.”  From this, we can now learn a valuable lesson.
    Or not.
    We can be blindly led and ultimately consumed by the purveyors of
hate and division, or we can say “no” to that choice and instead say
“yes” to our own inherent divinity as well as the inherent divinity of
all others.
    Remember, at the beginning I said it was an
“exercise”…this walking with you Angel and seeing others in the same
light.  As such, it will take the practicing of that exercise to shift
our consciousness to the point where this becomes for us the natural
state of things. But losing 10 pounds or becoming proficient at tennis
or piano are also exercises that take practice.
    I don’t know about you but I certainly think having my own Angel is definitely worth the workout.

>     The now confirmed tragic and unintended overdose-caused death of actor Heath Ledger is an opportunity for us all to shine a bright light on the several issues his life, and death, present. On the surface, it’s about the proliferation and ease of obtaining both prescription and illegal drugs. However, just below the surface are lurking several deeper issues equally, if not more, in need of our attention.
    Yes, the drug issue is the most obvious. Ledger was in possession of a potentially fatal cocktail of legally prescribed sleeping pills, anti-anxiety meds and pain killers. The question first asked is “What physician, if in fact a single physician is involved, would have prescribed such a combination and allowed a patient in such “pain” (physical and/or emotional) to have unfettered access?”
    Yet the underlying issue around the prescribing of drugs is “Why are we as a culture so quick to medicate and suppress symptoms rather than treat root causes?” While I do not know if Ledger suffered any physical source of pain, it does appear from reports that he suffered from emotional pain and depression as witnessed by close friends. In this regard, he was no different than countless numbers of Americans who daily take drugs, legal and illegal, to mask their underlying problems.
    I have a good friend, a chiropractor, who has always said, “To heal you have to feel.” And it’s true. Whether it’s a broken leg or a broken heart…whether it’s Hyrodcodone for the broken leg or Prozac for the broken heart…at some point real healing cannot be accomplished by sedating or distracting the conscious mind from the painful reality of the growth process. As we experience pain, we learn from it. We learn what and how not to do as well as where and how not to go.
    I am reminded of Thomas Edison’s reply when asked how it felt to fail so many times before he succeeded at inventing the light bulb. “I never failed” he replied. “I discovered a thousand ways how not to make a light bulb.” Edison ultimately succeeded because he was willing to experience the pain of not succeeding. Edison learned by that pain how not to reach his goal, which gave him momentum and direction on how to reach it.
    We have become a nation unwilling to feel the pain. And so, in our desperation to hold true to that goal, we try and circumvent the natural process of how things evolve, and what evolution feels like, by trying to insulate and sedate ourselves. It’s a losing proposition. For it’s impossible to shut down one aspect of yourself without impacting all of the other aspects as well. We, like Heath Ledger, have moved into a quiet sleep from which it’s very easy to slip away.
    We are in denial about this pervasive problem. I was reading an ABC World News on-line article about Ledger’s autopsy findings and navigated over to the comments that people were posting. Almost all of them were raging against our denial of the magnitude of this problem and how children, in record numbers, are on drugs.
    Then there’s the fact that he was 28 with enormous success and a child out of wedlock with a woman he had met on the movie set of Brokeback Mountain, and, with whom he had recently split up. He was reported to be a doting father to their new daughter and yet a wild partier. So many issues here: The capacity to handle fame and fortune at age 28; bearing children out of wedlock; sex vs. love; the pressures to achieve money, fame, stardom, success, whatever.
    Such are the stuff of a national dialog that needs to commence and run deep. We need to get to the root causes of our weakest links and do something about strengthening them rather than anesthetizing them. Like Edison, we need to acknowledge out loud all the ways we have tried that have taught us how not to get to where we want to go so that together we can alter course.
    It’s too late for Heith Ledger, but not for the 1.5 million runaway children each year…or the 1 million high school age children who attempt suicides each year…or all the others of whatever age group who cannot seem to understand how we’ve created the world they inhabit…or who cannot seem to find an opening to a path leading to a better one.
    Death is only meaningless if we fail to find meaning in it. Heith Ledger has left us an opportunity that, if taken, can provide him a legacy far beyond any Oscar ever could have.
    Let’s give him that.

>     Over the weekend I had a conversation with some friends about politics in general and the upcoming election. One of the women voiced her concern about global warming and said she was driven by that issue in deciding for whom to vote. She seemed really concerned so I asked her if she was as worried as she looked and to my surprise she answered, “I am. It really scares me.” I was shocked by her reply because this is one person who has the most positive outlook on life you could imagine. She is genuinely, and generally, happy every day just to open her eyes and breathe. Everything after that is “gravy” to her.
    I suggested to her my take on global warming and asked her to give it some thought. I’ll share what I said with you, too.
    Whether we humans caused or contributed to the current state of things or, in the alternative, it’s a natural cycle that Earth partakes of…it really doesn’t matter. That’s not to say that I am callous about the subject of deteriorating environmental conditions or vanishing species. Both concern me deeply. It simply means that “order and chaos” are the heartbeat’s rhythms of Creation. When anything is in a state chaos what occurs is “correction” so as to move it back towards order…and so forth and so on. I see global warming as a necessary correction as we transit this particular heartbeat of chaos.
    It is not possible to separate we humans from the environment in which we live, whether it be “lesser” life forms, the Earth, or the Universe Itself. All of It is an integrated, interdependent self-organizing system that will seek to move Itself toward balance when too far astray from an optimal state of equilibrium.
    That’s what we’re in the middle of right now. Whether it’s the demise of the effectiveness of systems of governing and commerce, or radical weather patterns and cataclysmic events, they all originate from One principle and seek to achieve One end: movement from chaos back to order.
    When a balance is once more obtained, do not think it will stay that way. It is the natural course of energy to move, to change. Within the order that will soon manifest will be the seeds of future chaos. This is as it should be. This is Life.
    What I told the woman who is so frightened of the thought of global warming was not to think about it…well, at least not to think about it with fear. Thoughts are things, too. And powerful energy they are. So if any of us must dwell upon global warming, let’s see it as one of many symptoms of changing times and better to think about how we can best adapt to, as well as contribute to, the emerging order.

style=”font-weight: bold;” size=”4″>P.S. Get my inspiring e-book download FREE at www.carolegold.com

I’ve been asked to publish a speech I recently gave to 500 high school students in New Jersey on the topic of attempted suicide. Although it is my habit to speak without notes, what follows is my best recollection of the substance of the presentation. Time and space do not here permit me to replicate it in its entirety.

I am a wife and mother of a 14 year old daughter. I am also a former practicing Family Law attorney. Currently, I am a writer and motivational speaker. At age 24 I tried to commit suicide. It is the story of how that came to be and what I have done with my life since that I am here to share with you.

I grew up in an affluent suburb of Philadelphia. My family was financially very well off and as far as material things went, I pretty much had whatever I wanted. To underscore the point, I was given my own car, a Mustang, at age 16 and by age 20 had owned 2 corvettes. In school I was part of the “in crowd” and had lots of friends. My grades were excellent. Outwardly, I seemed happy.

Inwardly, I was living a very different existence.

Despite all of what was seemingly “right” with my life, I was very unhappy. I felt alone in the world. I didn’t feel I really “fit” anywhere or that I understood the game of life. I felt, alternately, not understood at all or at best, misunderstood. While everyone else went about their days with some sense of purpose, or so it seemed to me, I lacked any sense of who I was, what I wanted to do with my life, and most importantly, how to stop the emotional pain.

I went off to college after graduating high school but lasted only 6 weeks. Mostly I cut class and went to the beach. I withdrew mid-first semester (I would have flunked out anyway) and returned home. I them enrolled in a local university but lasted there only one semester before dropping out again. Realizing I had to do something (all my friends were in college) I got a job as a receptionist at a hospital. What followed were a series of receptionist positions until, at age 23, I met a young man at a party whom I married one year later. Eleven months after we married, we separated. We were a bad match…probably the result of how little I knew about myself before getting married. One month after separating, I tried to kill myself by taking an overdose of anti-depressants that had been prescribed for me at the time of separation.

Without belaboring it here, I was miraculously found in my apartment and rushed to the emergency ward, where I had a near death experience. I actually witnessed the doctor and nurses tending to me, pumping out my stomach and trying to keep me from dying. I witnessed it all from some vantage point way up in the air and remember thinking, “Why are they doing all of that to her. Why don’t they just let her go?” Then I felt a sharp “punch” in the middle of my back and “heard a voice” say “You have to go back, Carole. You have work to do.” My perspective immediately shifted from above the scene to being back in my body looking up at the doctor.

I share the details with you solely to impress upon you that I had almost succeeded in dying. It was that experience that I believe changed the direction of my life.  Despite difficulties and challenges that have remained ever since that day, I came away from that experience with a determination to find out who I really was…as opposed to who I thought I should be.

I enrolled in Villanova University at age 24 and graduated at age 28. I worked for a few years, had a meaningful personal relationship, then at age 33 enrolled in law school, graduating at age 38. I began to practice law on my own immediately after passing the Bar Exam and had a successful Family Law practice for 13 years. At age 41, I bought a home and shortly thereafter, met and married my husband. At age 43, we adopted a daughter form China.

Now the important part. What I know from what I have lived.

No two snowflakes are alike. No matter how many there are, each has it’s own unique pattern. You are like a snowflake. No other human being that has ever lived or ever will has your pattern, your unique set of Life gifts and challenges. Because of that, only YOU can live the Life you’ve been given. You are an aspect of Creation. That fact, and your unique nature demands that you too be a Creator of Your Life, not a “regurgitator.” Life does not need you to parrot or mimic the ideas and values of those who came before you…or even those who are here Now. What Life seeks of you is to experience Itself thorough You in ways never before known.

What keeps us stuck, and sometimes paralyzed, is the belief that there is some “right way” to be. Some “right way” to live Life. I can assure you that there are people and organizations everywhere you turn that will tell you they know “the way.” But there is no one way, simply one action that each of us is called upon every minute to partake of and that action is called “choice.” When Life comes knocking, make choices that emanate from your highest Self. For what is right for another may not be right for you. And you can only know what IS right for you experientially. You cannot know it from a book, or movie or even from another person. So to live the Life you were created to live, you must experience it through your unique choices.

Now some of you will think, “If there is no right choice, then anything I want to do is OK. I would answer “yes” if your choices are from your heart and not your mind and if, in choosing, you harm neither yourself or another. You see, there are only two emotions, Love and Fear. Every other emotion is a derivative of one of those. Love feels good. Fear feels bad. If you allow your emotional center, your heart, to be the guiding light that illuminates your choices, then yes, any choice you ever make will be the right one for you as well as the highest good for all concerned.

We all have what I call appointments in life that only we can show up for and if we don’t, no one will. For me, today is one of those appointments. If I had died that day, not only would I never have had all of the rich experiences that followed the attempt, but I would never have been able to keep the appointment with our daughter, which is the reason I am here talking with you today. And if only one of you needs to hear any of this to help you understand how unique, important and priceless you are, then I would go through it all over again. Every moment of it.

People who try to commit suicide don’t want to die. They have simply misplaced hope. They have strayed too far from home, from their inner center, and think they will never be able to find their way back home.

I came here today, and stand before you, as an arrow pointing you in the direction of home and the best part of your life.

Remember Who You Are. Remember Why You Came. Know How Much You Matter. Keep Your Appointments.

And above all, never give up Hope.

P.S. I gave each student a little handout paraphrasing J.R.R.Tolkien:
“All that glitters is not gold. All who wander are not lost.”